Topic: Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Question

A moderate number of people believe that restriction should be enforced to control noise. While other people hold the view that they are free to make as much noise as they want, I am of the opinion that it is necessary to diminish noise.

   On the one hand, there are several reasons why people would like to make noise. The first reason stems from people demands. In these days, with the development of technology and entertainment, a significant number of teenagers are into turning music with high volume, especially in some parties. For them, it may be a convenient way to relax with friends after a long working day without paying attention to their neighborhood; therefore, it could disturb these neighborhood during rest time. Another reason is the modernization process. For some people who live in urban areas, exposure to noise from car or factories is inevitable. As a result, it is tough to restrict noise.

   On the other hand, declining noise is undoubtedly indispensable for citizens. Firstly, it accelerate the risks of contracting disablilities. Suffering from loud noise can have negative impacts on victims ear, which leads to a variety of auditory problems. In addition, it also affects people health. Bearing noise at night may results in the quality of sleep. As a consequence, lack of sleeping time influences in the productivity and working effectiveness in the long-term period.

   In conclusion, It can not be denied that people are free to make noise in order to entertain and relax after long hours working. However, they should understand the negative effects on other people to avoid turning noise with massive volume

Answer 1

While A moderate number of people believe that restriction should be enforced to control noise. While other people hold the view that they are free to make as much noise as they want,(câu nêu ý kiến riêng nên tách ra thành 1 câu hoàn chỉnh nhé) I am of the opinion that it is necessary to diminish noise.

(vốn dĩ đề bài không yêu cầu nêu nguyên nhân của vấn đề, vậy nên đoạn 1 này của bạn là hoàn toàn không cần thiết và không tập trung vào việc nêu lý do vì sao nên diminish noise mà bạn đã nêu ở đoạn 1. Nếu ý của bạn là "Although making sound is the right of everyone, I believe that it is necessary to diminish noise" thì bạn có thể dùng cách này với một câu thesis statement khác bao quát hơn nhé) On the one hand, there are several reasons why people would like to make noise. The first reason stems from people's demands. In these days, with the development of technology and entertainment, a significant number of teenagers are into turning music with high volume, especially in some parties. For them, it may be a convenient way to relax with friends after a long working day without paying attention to their neighborhood; therefore, it could disturb these neighborhood during their rest time. Another reason is the modernization process. For some people who live in urban areas, exposure to noise from car vehicles or factories is inevitable. As a result, it is tough to restrict noise.

On the other hand, declining noise is undoubtedly indispensable for citizens. Firstly, it accelerate the risks of contracting disablilities. Suffering from loud noise for a long term can have negative impacts on ear-related victims ear, which leads to a variety of auditory problems. In addition, it also affects people health. Bearing noise at night may results in the quality of sleep. As a consequence, lack of sleeping time influences in the productivity and working effectiveness in the long-term period.

 (Như đã nói ở trên thì phần kết của bạn chưa khớp với phần mở bài. Bạn có thể thay phần mở bài để phù hợp hơn)  In conclusion, It can not be denied that people are free to make noise in order to entertain and relax after long hours working. However, they should understand the negative effects on other people to avoid turning noise with massive volume

 

Mong những nhận xét này có thể giúp bạn!

Answer 2

1.Đoạn 1: another reason có thể thay bằng another compelling point vì reason lặp 3 lần r

2. Có turn music luôn hả? Mình chỉ thấy turn on thôi chứ ( cái này k rõ lắm)

3. Đoạn 2. Câu 2. Dùng it ở đây là decline noise ở câu trước mà, sao giảm noise lại tăng rủi to bệnh là sao?