writing task 1- cam 12

Question

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of Australian exercising in terms of six age groups by gender in 2010.

Overall, it is clear that Australian women did more regular physical activities than men. Besides, out of 6 age groups, females aged 45 to 54 accounted for the highest percentage of Austrilian females working out while that of males was in group of 15 to 24 years old.

In 15 to 24 age group, the figures for men working out reached its peak at 52.8% before experiencing a fall to the lowest point which was 39.5% at the age between 35 and 44. By contrast, also in the same two age groups, there was a slight rise in the number of women exercising from 47.7% to 52.5% , respectively.

In addition, from 45 to over 65 years old, the proportion of Australian males did physical activity increased gradually from 43.1% to 46.7%. In comparison, women mostly did regular execrises when they were about 45 to 54 years old,at 53.3%. However, after 54, the rate had continuously decreased from 53% in 55 to 64 age group to the bottom,at 47.1% in group of over 65 years old.

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Answer 1

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of Australian exercising in terms of six age groups by gender in 2010.

Overall, it is clear that Australian women did more regular physical activities than men. Besides, out of 6 age groups, females aged 45 to 54 accounted for the highest percentage of (Austrilian) => Australian females working out while that of males was in (group) => the group of 15 to 24 years old.

In 15 to 24 age group, the figures for men working (out reached) => outreached its peak at 52.8% before experiencing a fall to the lowest point which was 39.5% at the age between 35 and 44. By contrast, also in the same two age groups, there was a slight rise in the number of women exercising from 47.7% to 52.5%, respectively.

In addition, from 45 to over 65 years old, the proportion of Australian males did physical activity increased gradually from 43.1% to 46.7%. In comparison, women mostly did regular (execrises) => exercises when they were about 45 to 54 years old,at 53.3%. However, after 54, the rate had continuously decreased from 53% in 55 to 64 age group to the bottom,at 47.1% in (group) => the group of over 65 years old.
Sửa sơ sơ tí ( đừng nói mình soi mói )
Theo mình thì bài task 1 viết như thế này cũng được nhưng lại dài, vì task 1 nên viết 150 từ thôi, 200 từ là dài rồi ( bài của bạn 195 từ )
Chưa sử dụng nhiều collocation, word phrases hay.
Từ vựng khá common.
Chưa có nhiều ngữ pháp hay
Chắc được cỡ 6.0 - 6.5