Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree?
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There is no doubt that education has a profound impact on people’s personal development. Given the magnitude of schooling, there has come the question of whether should discarding or maintaining the competitive activities in the school’s curriculum. While some people claim that competitive sports are no longer needed to education at schools, I would argue that such activities still play a significant role in the growing of students.

It is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that competitive games should be eliminated. First, having competitive physical activities distract studying of student due to the fact that spending lots time on sports may make student have less time to study. As a result, their academic performance is decrease which is the top worry of parents. In addition, playing competitive sports also contain some risks for students, for instance, participants could get injured when compete to achieve victory. Therefore, it seems sensible that competitive physical activities should be removed from the school curriculum.

Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that sports especially competitive sports have numerous benefits for the development of student and so that schools should retain such sports in curriculum. First, competitive sports help students keep fit and stay healthy. When students play competitive sports not only their body and muscles are enhanced but also the calories which they absorbed in foods during the day will be burned. For example, competitive sport such as basketball, football or volleyball make players move continuously, the fat and calories in body will be burned more than sitting immovable. In addition, competitive sports also help student build up a team spirit and bring benefits for student’s social well-being. When students take part in competitive sports, they have to work with their teams which force them make friends, talk with others and cooperate with their teams members. As a result, students team work skill will be improved and increase their communication.

To conclude, although competitive sports have some adversely impact to student, I believe that it should not be removed from school curriculum with its undeniable benefits.
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1. You wrote: ... magnitude of schooling, there has come the question of whether should discarding or maintaining the co...

Feedback: Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.

Error type: Redundant Phrases

Suggestion: whether, the question whether

 

2. You wrote: ... there has come the question of whether should discarding or maintaining the competitive activiti...

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Error type: Verb form error

Suggestion: should discard

 

3. You wrote: ...at schools should retain such sports in curriculum. First, competitive sports help student...

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Error type: Article and uncountable noun error

Suggestion: a curriculum, the curriculum

 

4. You wrote: ...up a team spirit and bring benefits for student’s social well-being. When students take...

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Error type: Article and uncountable noun error

Suggestion: a student, the student

 

5. You wrote: ...ir teams members. As a result, students team work skill will be improved and increase the...

Feedback: These two words are usually written as one word. Did you mean "teamwork"?

Error type: Word order error

Suggestion: teamwork

 

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