Writing IELTS Task 1/Bar chart/ Economic sectors in the UK in the 20th century. Thank you very much!

Question

Please help me to correct my task 1 essay, thank you very much <3 <3

 

The bar chart gives information about the movement of three economic sectors in the UK over the 10-year period.

Overall, the trends of the agricultural and manufacturing sector were downward,  whereas, the percentage of service activities increased significantly during that period.

In 1900, the agricultural sector made up to roughly 50%, remaining the highest portion in the U.K. economy. For 50 years later, that number was still unchanged while the proportion of the producing sector decreased steadily over a period of ten years.

However, from 1975 onwards, there was a dramatic increase in the percentage of  business and financial activities, reaching nearly 40% in 2000. Whereas, the agricultural zone experienced a sudden fall in the total contribution from 1975 to 2000 before bottoming at only approximately 2% in the final year.

In conclusion, during that period there was a significant variation in the distribution of three ergonomic sectors in the UK, in particular, the service activities replaced the agriculture ones to achieve the most proportion.

 

Answer 1

The bar chart gives information about the movement --> percentage of three economic sectors ...

Overall, the trends of the agricultural and manufacturing sector were downward --> there was a downward trend in the contribution of agricultural and manufacturing sector, whereas, the percentage of service activities increased significantly --> service activities showed  an unward trend during that period.

In 1900, the agricultural sector made up to roughly 50%, remaining the highest portion --> taking a lead in the U.K. economy. For 50 years later, that number was still unchanged while the proportion of the producing sector decreased steadily over a period of ten years.

However, from 1975 onwards, there was a dramatic increase in the percentage of  business and financial activities, reaching nearly 40% in 2000. Whereas, the agricultural zone experienced a sudden fall in the total contribution from 1975 to 2000 before bottoming at only approximately 2% in the final year.

In conclusion, during that period there was a significant variation in the distribution of three ergonomic sectors in the UK, in particular, the service activities replaced the agriculture ones to achieve the most proportion.  --> do not need to write  a conlusion in Task 1