IELTS WRITING- Pie chart- electricity Generation

Question

 

The pie charts illustrate the differences of electricity produced between Germany and France in terms of all sources and renewables in 2009.

 

Overall, Germany produced more electricity than France. It is also noted that, while Conventional Thermal was by far the most popular energy in Germany, French showed their interest in Nuclear power.

 

In the year of 2009, the electricity generated in Germany was 560 Billion kWh, which was merely higher than that of France, a difference of 50 Billion kWh. In the same year, most electricity generated in Germany comes from Conventional Thermal energy, at 59,6%. By contrast, there was just one-ten of Conventional Thermal energy used in France. As can be seen, Nuclear power featured at 76% of the total electricity generation in France, making it the first rank. Whereas, France just derived over a fifth of its electricity from Nuclear power. Besides, the amounts of Renewable in Germany and France constituted relatively similar figures at 17.4% and 13.7% respectively.

 

Turning to Renewable energy. In Germany, the top scorer and the runner-up, belonging to Biomass(39.3%) and (36.9%) in that order. They were by far higher than the remaining kinds of energy namely Hydroelectric & Solar, totaling about 24%. A reverse pattern can be seen in France, the electricity sector is dominated by Hydroelectric, which accounted for four-fifth of the total renewable energy, far exceeding Wind, Biomass, Solar, with the figures for them were 10.5%; 8.1%; and 0.9% accordingly. It is also noticeable that none of both nations which exploited geothermal energy.

Answer 1

The pie charts illustrate the differences in electricity produced between Germany and France in terms of all sources and renewables in 2009.

 

Overall, Germany produced more electricity than France. It is also noted that, while Conventional Thermal was by far the most popular energy in Germany, French showed their interest in Nuclear power.

 

In the year of 2009, the electricity generated in Germany was 560 Billion kWh, which was merely higher than that of France, a difference of 50 Billion kWh. In the same year, most electricity generated in Germany comes from Conventional Thermal energy, at 59,6%. By contrast, there was just one-ten of Conventional Thermal energy used in France. As can be seen, Nuclear power featured at 76% of the total electricity generation in France, making it the first rank. Whereas, German just derived over a fifth of its electricity from Nuclear power.

 

 

Besides, the amounts of Renewable in Germany and France constituted relatively similar figures at 17.4% and 13.7% respectively.

 

Turning to Renewable energy, in Germany, the top scorer and the runner-up, belonging to Biomass(39.3%) and Wind (36.9%) in that order. They were by far higher than the remaining kinds of energy namely Hydroelectric & Solar, totaling about 24%. A reverse pattern can be seen in France, the electricity sector is dominated by Hydroelectric, which accounted for four-fifths of the total renewable energy, far exceeding Wind, Biomass, Solar, with the figures for them were 10.5%; 8.1%; and 0.9% accordingly. It is also noticeable that none of both nations which exploited geothermal energy.

 

Review (chữ đỏ là đã chữa lại lỗi)

1. Quá dài, bạn có chắc chắn bạn chỉ viết trong 20 phút không, vì lượng từ bạn viết ngang ngửa task 2. Mình có highlight bằng màu xanh dương đoạn bạn có thể rewrite và gộp ý lại (vì paragraph thứ 2 bạn giống như chỉ nhắc lại ý câu khái quát bên trên và thêm số liệu). Đây chỉ là ý kiến của mình, nếu bạn viết được trong 20 phút thì không cần chỉnh cũng được

 

2. Grammar bạn viết mình thấy ổn, không có lỗi lớn gì.

 

3. Nội dung report cũng ok, có cái nhìn tổng quát và cả so sánh. Tuy nhiên có mấy chỗ highlight vàng chắc là lỗi type, cần chú ý một chút vì lỗi type này hơi nặng, nó làm thay đổi nội dung và bị đánh giá là ẩu

 

=> Predicted score 6.5-7