Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Question

Some people assume that settling in an overseas country with different language will bring those emigrants into some persistent issues. From my perspective, I totally concur with this statement because those problems are inevitable which almost all of the foreigners have to undergo when living abroad.

Culture shock and language barrier are always the prevalent problems of all time. Migrating to other countries, especially different continents will make people confused at first, so they have to learn to acclimatize new climate, adapt new environment and adopt new culture. For example, Asian people are used to eating with chopsticks or even with their hands, then when they move to Western countries, they have to get used to eating with fork and knife. Thus, it will make them change their habits and culture, sometimes it will lead those people to isolate themselves because they cannot adopt more.

Another issue bringing negative effect to the emigrants is finding the job which is a down-to-earth problem those people have to face. As far as what I have known, native employers have a tendency to hire people with the same nationality as them which means that the exotic people have less chance when applying for the job. Besides, those employers are believed to take advantage of their labours by paying less than what those workers deserve to have. Therefore, the overseas people will be  discouraged to make ends meet because of being served unequally and as a result, they will lose their incentive and become the social issues.

All in all, dwelling in foreign countries will bring many opportunities but it still have some drawbacks. Hence, comprehending and perceiving those advantages will help people to prepare conscientiously before making their mind to live abroad.

Answer 1

Some people assume that settling in an overseas country with different language will bring those emigrants into some persistent issues. From my perspective, I totally concur with this statement because those problems are inevitable which almost all of the foreigners have to undergo when living abroad.[p1]

Culture shock and language barrier are always the prevalent problems of all time. Migrating to other countries, especially different continents will make people confused at first, so they have to learn to acclimatize new climate, adapt new environment and adopt new culture. For example, Asian people are used to eating with chopsticks or even with their hands, then when they move to Western countries, they have to get used to eating with fork and knife. Thus, it will make them change their habits and culture, sometimes it will lead those people to isolate themselves because they cannot adopt more.

Another issue bringing negative effect to[p2]  the emigrants is finding the job which is a down-to-earth problem[p3]  those people have to face. As far as what I have known, native employers have a tendency to hire people with the same nationality as them which means that the exotic people [p4] have less chance when applying for the job. Besides, those employers are believed to take advantage of their labours[p5]  by paying less than what those workers deserve to have. Therefore, the overseas people [p6] will be  discouraged to make ends meet because of being served unequally [p7] and as a result, they will lose their incentive that they are supposed to receive and become the social issues.

All in all, dwelling in foreign countries will bring many opportunities but it still have has some drawbacks. Hence, comprehending and perceiving those advantages will help people to prepare conscientiously before making their mind to live abroad.

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 [p1]Redundant Language

“inevitable” already refers the meaning of the whole sentence

 [p2]Grammar Error: “effect + on”

à “negative effects on the emigrants”

 [p3]Vocabulary Error: “down-to-earth” refers the personality of humans

à “which is a clear problem those people have to face”

 [p4]Vocabulary Error: Use “foreigners”

 [p5]Vocabulary Error: “labour – A group of people” à Do not add “s”

 [p6]Vocabulary Error: “people moving to another country will be discouraged…”

 [p7]Vocabulary Error: “because of being treated unequally”

Use “treat”

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CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Response	6.5	addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion	6.5	arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource	6	uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	6	uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6.5