some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged .others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Question

Children , the seeds of the world future, need to have appropriate orientation in their emotion as well as the way to live or to deal with problems in their life.

Particularly,sense of competition in children plays a pretty key role .it not only helps kids strive to reach sucesses by themselves independently,but also show their potential  abilities when they solve difficulties alone.we are undeniable that the children having sense of competition usually have beautiful characters such as being confident ,strong ,independent,assertive …therefore, in industrial countries where competition is a popular feature of character,people living there always try their best and make huge efforts to show their ego as well as stimulate and take all of advantages of  their prospective abilities.for example,in japan , students in the same class often take a best track record of the most  exellent one in the class to try to be over it.however,if  the students are too competitive to control their actions or in another word, they have negative behaviors  such as being jealous to better classmates or  hating them,here sense of competition is getting a bad issue significantly influencing on kids’ character in the future.

Besides,cooperation  is a effective way of  helping childrens in order to become  heplful adults.from my perspective,through cooperation, kids can experience team work skills and have  good relationship with partners and be more sociable in public.in particular,when childrens cooperate in a group,we will have chance to not only  practise  to be leader in the group,but also to learn the  way to listen as well as analyse to others opinions patiently  and be assertive in making decision,which lead to group’ success.moreover,during activities of team work,members will get to know each other better and build up good social relationships.in the contrary,just beacause of this cooperation,many teammates will be getting lazy and dependent on other members and even not do their best.

In my opinion,we should combine these two characters in harmony because each of them has different benefits.As the result,if kids are orientated towards this combination ,they will develop perfectly in consciousness together with useful social skills in the life .

Answer 1

Children , the future owners of this world, need to have appropriate orientations in their emotions as well as the way to live or to deal with problems in their lives.(state 2 views here)

on the one hand,sense of competition in children plays such a pretty key role .it not only helps kids strive to achieve success by themselves independently,(no comma here)but also shows their potential  abilities when they solve difficulties alone.we can’t deny that the children having sense of competition usually have beautiful characters such as confidence, assertiveness, independence,  …therefore, in industrialised countries where competition is a popular feature of character,people living there always try their best and make huge efforts to show their ego as well as stimulate and take all of advantages of  their prospective abilities.for example,in japan , students in the same class often take a best track record of the most  exellent one in the class to try to be over it.however,if  the students are too competitive to control their actions or in other words, they have negative behaviors  such as being jealous of better classmates or  hating them,then sense of competition is having a significantly bad effect on kids’ personalities in the future.

Besides,cooperation  is an effective way of  helping children in order to become  heplful adults.from my perspective,through cooperation, kids can experience team work skills and have  good relationship with partners and be more sociable in public.in particular,when children cooperate in a group,we will have a chance not only to  practise  to be a leader of the group,but also to learn how to listen as well as analyse to others’ opinions patiently  and be assertive in making decisions,which leads to group’ success.moreover,during activities of team work,members will get to know each other better and build up good social relationships.on the contrary,just beacause of this cooperation,many teammates will become lazy and dependent on other members and even not do their best.

In my opinion,we should combine these two factors appropriately because each of them has different benefits.As a result,if kids are orientated towards this combination ,they will develop perfectly in consciousness together with useful social skills in the life .

Comments

Hello daisy, 2 points of your essay are clearly.However you somtimes make some minor mistakes
Children , the seeds of the world future, need to have appropriate orientation in their emotion as well as the way to live or to deal with problems in their life.

Particularly,sense of competition in children plays a pretty key role .it not only helps kids strive to reach sucesses by themselves independently,but also show their potential  abilities when they solve difficulties alone.we are undeniable that the children having sense of competition usually have beautiful characters (characters--> qualities) such as being confident ,strong ,independent,assertive …therefore, in industrial countries where competition is a popular feature of character,people living(LIVING-->ở đây phải là who  live vì trong câu này có hai động từ được chia )
 there always try their best and make huge efforts(HUGE EFFORTS-->Chỗ này của bạn không sai nhưng mình nghĩ thay từ những nỗ lực không ngừng sẽ hay hơn intensive efforts )
 to show their ego as well as stimulate and take all of advantages of  their prospective abilities.for example,in japan , students in the same class often take a best track record of the most  exellent(EXELLENT-->excellent) one in the class to try to be over it.however,if  the students are too competitive to control their actions or in another word, they have negative behaviors(BEHAVIORS-->behaviours)  such as being jealous to better classmates or  hating them,here sense of competition is getting a bad issue significantly influencing on kids’ character(CHARACTER---->QUALITY) in the future.

Besides,cooperation  is a effective way of  helping childrens(CHILDRENS--->CHILDREN) in order to become  heplful adults.from my perspective,through cooperation, kids can experience team work skills and have  good relationship with partners and be more sociable in public.in particular,when childrens(CHILDRENS--->CHILDREN)cooperate in a group,we will have chance(CHANCE--->CHANCES) to not only  practise  to be leader in the group,but also to learn the  way to listen as well as analyse to others opinions patiently  and be assertive in making decision,which lead to group’ (GROUP-GROUPS')success.moreover,during activities of team work,members will get to know(GET TO KNOW-->Chỗ này  là get acquainted with có nghĩa là  làm quen)  each other better and build up good social relationships.in the contrary,just beacause of this cooperation,many teammates will be getting lazy and dependent on other members and even not do their best.

In my opinion,we should combine these two characters(CHARACTERS--->QUALITIES) in harmony because each of them has different benefits.As the result,if kids are orientated towards this combination ,they will develop perfectly in consciousness together with useful social skills in the life .

Answer 2

Children who are ... the way to live or to dealing with problems in their life.( because it include the content of the way to live , you should omit it)

Particularly,... the children having sense of competition  (being competitive) ... characteristics ...,assertive … ( not be used in academic ) . therefore ,More specially,...countries where, ... of characteristic;thus ... in the same class often take a the ... to  and try to be over  cover it....hating them,here thus , ... getting a significantly bad issue significantly that influence ...

Besides,cooperation  is an ... partners and , which lead to be  more sociable in public.In particular,when childrens cooperate in a group,we will have chance to not only to  practise  to be the leader in the group,but also to learn the  way to of listening as well as analysing to others opinions patiently  and be assertive in making decision,which lead to group’s success....