Young people should learn what the world is doing. [closed]

Question

Topic: There is an idea that young people should not learn what the world is doing but what they can to to the word. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Having considerable insight as to how the society function recently promotes the youth's self-development. This essay disagrees that young people put what condition the world is in aside and keep focusing on nothing but their capability. Updating with the world provides better opportunities to understand their inner self as well as puts them at ease to fulfil their potential.

Gaining knowledge about their surrounding helps the young to find real person of who they are. Lacking orientation towards world's trend, youngsters easily get frustrated and be bitterly disappointed with themselves as for example they could not find jobs. Gradually, they waste their inherent ability and are not able to realise their potentiality. They would get lost in the real world wondering who they are and what they are really doing. Thus, bypassing the process of learning about the global issues prevents one from proving himself and his limit.

Young people who grasp the world situation thoroughly could overcome setbacks and enhance the possibility for achievements. Spending time exploring the world means extending "our knowledge of our ignorance" (Karl Popper). For instance, Edison could invent the light bulb for the mankind because he could live in the world without it. He learned the difficulties the society was facing and took advantage of it to create a personal and social accomplishment. Therefore, the movements of every aspect of the world should be regarded as major priorities in education.

In conclusion, I support the idea that the young ought to consider the world's business in order to respect themselves and achieve success. It is recommended that schools encourage students to learn as a subject.

Answer 1

Mình thấy ở mở bài của bạn, câu background với câu giới thiệu quan điểm hổng có liên quan tới nhau lắm ._.

 

Gaining knowledge about their surrounding helps the young to find the real person of who they are.

Lacking orientation towards the world's trend, youngsters easily get frustrated and are be bitterly disappointed with themselves as for example they could not find jobs., take not being able to find jobs as an example.

Mình thấy ở đoạn này, ví dụ của bạn có vẻ không support chặt chẽ lắm cho quan điểm bạn đưa ra.

Đoạn 2 thì ví dụ ổn và full of infomation đó ạ :D

Theo mình đánh giá thì bài này:

- 7 task response

- 7 coherence

- 8 lexical resources

- 7 grammar

=> 7-7.5 Cả bài? :D