Disadvantages of tobacco [closed]

Question

Each year, tobacco kills 6 million people and this number is increasing rapidly because it is also a way to  make smoker unstressed, rebellious and cool or just to follow the tendency:" Their friends and family members smoke ". Let's have a look at the important facts about smoking. Some of them might surprise you. Firstly, it causes lung cancer which holds the top slot in list of diseases that kill smokers. Besides, smoking also causes some serious problems such as less of smell, poor circulation, loose teeth and so on. This affects their longevity. Next, smoking is really costly. In reality, a smoker can use average 3 packs each day and has to pay from 10 to 50 thousand VND for each. Imagine that after 10 years, the money they spend on tobacco is about 15 million VND and additionally, they have to pay twice or many twice as much as that amount on curing their health.   Why don't they spend that money for thei family or other necessary things?. Thurdly is passive smoking. It occurs when a person who isn't smoking breathes in the smoke from people who are smoking. For example, it is especially dangeruos for pregnant women and child becaus they may have the same problem as the smokers. Smoking not only affects yourself but also to the people around. You don't want to kill your child or family members, do you? Thus, why don't you stop smoking to protect yourselt as wel as our community?

Answer 1

Bài viết khá tốt nhưng có một số lỗi sai về chính tả ví dụ 

dangeruos => dangerous

child becaus => children because (nên để children ở dạng số nhiều lúc này)

It occurs when a person who isn't smoking breathes in the smoke => chuyển breathes in thành từ inhales (hít phải thì sát nghĩa hơn)