Question

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a “gap year”, before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

 

       Nowadays, some teenagers choose to take a year off to travel before entering university or working, they believe that this is a good opportunity to discover new things. Others think that this decision is a total waste of time. I would argue that it is better to get a job straight after school or go to college.

      On the one hand, there are several benefits for choosing "gap year" and take a trip to a new place. Firstly, they become more mature and more independence when exploring the world on their own. In this way, they learn how to deal with these problems may occur. In addition, they have to integrate into the new culture and encounter with various type of people which is the best way to boost their confidence and communication skills. As a result, they have good preparation and learn practical skills related to their chosen profession. Moreover, this is an ideal time for them to rethink and find out what they really passionate about which helps them to avoid the wrong path. This lead to a satisfying career in the future.

      On the other hand, I believe that goes to work after graduate or study at college is more beneficial for students. Firstly, instead of spending time and a lot of money for traveling. Some students could use the money for investing in better academic, such as attend an extra class or enroll in prestigious schools and of course they could get graduation degree before those take a gap year. For those have work after school, they gain more experience in the workplace compared with gapers. Therefore, they have many chances to be promoted after that they are more likely to be successful and earn higher salaries. It’s not too late for them to conquer the world later.

     In conclusion, for the reasons above, it seems to me that people should continue studying after high school and look for a job relevant to their specialization.

Answer 1

Nowadays, some teenagers choose to take a year off to travel before entering university or working, they believe that this is a good opportunity to discover new things. Others think that this decision is a total waste of time. I would argue that it is better to get a job straight after school or go to college.

      On the one hand, there are several benefits for choosing "gap year" and take a trip to a new place. Firstly, they become more mature and more independence (correct: independent) when exploring the world on their own. In this way, they learn how to deal with these problems (what are these problems referring about?) may occur. Alternatives: In this way, they learn how to deal with spontaneous problems which might occur. In addition, they have to integrate into new culture (correct: different cultures/ diverse cultures) and encounter with various type of people , which is the best way to boost their confidence and communication skills. As a result, they have good preparation and learn (attain may sound better) practical skills related to their chosen profession. Moreover, this is an ideal time for them to rethink and find out what they really passionate about which helps them to avoid the wrong path. This lead to (leads to, avoid using leads to in a positive statement) a satisfying career in the future.( Instead of stating more supporting ideas, I recommend a summary to all of these supporting ideas for judges to further get the thread)

 

      On the other hand, I believe that goes to work after graduate or study at college (correct: going to work after finishing the college) is more beneficial for students. Firstly, instead of spending time and a lot of money for (on) traveling, some students could use the money to invest in better academic, such as attending an extra class or enrolling in prestigious schools and of course they could get graduation degree before those taking a gap year. For those working part-time job, they gain more experience in the workplace compared with gapers (but this experience is the same as the experience when gapers have when they travelling overseas). Therefore, they have many chances to be promoted and after that ,they are more likely to be successful and earn higher salaries. It’s not too late for them to enrich themselves later.

     In conclusion, for the reasons above, it seems to me that people should continue studying after high school and look for a job relevant to their specialization.

General assess: You have a wide range of linking words, collocations along with deficient vocabulary. However, your shortcomings come from the grammar. The V-ing as subject of clauses, the verb tenses,... And you need to clarify the these + n referring to what? And task achievement hasn't reached the goal: The advantages of these two facets don't overweight others. You need to point out more disadvantages of the former.

Comments

Thank you so much for correcting my mistakes. Your response helps me so much.