Bài IELTS Task 2 sáng 31/8 - With the rise in popularity of the Internet, newspaper will soon become a thing of the past. Do you agree or disagree? [closed]

Question

It is certainly true that drastic increasing of the Internet is reckoned as a quantum leap for human being’s history. There is a general consensus that newspaper will soon be replaced by Internet newspaper in the future world, whereas many people maintain the opposite view. From my perspective, the former view carries more weight, which will be identified in depth as follows.

First and foremost, there is no denial that reading news on the Internet has myriad outstanding merits. In fact, one of the reasons why electric newspaper has gained in popularity is that busy students or businesses who have not sufficient time to buy a newspaper can easily have command of what happening outside in the modern life due to a simple step and being sedentary. Further, using the Internet newspaper allows fauna squandered to produce traditional newspaper, to survive from the brink of disappearance; meanwhile, the Governments are dealing with excessive exploitation of natural resource.

Another striking point that needs to be considered is that surfing the Internet is prone to bring some adverse effects. It is not astounding that with the absence of electricity, browse the web to read news is disabled, traditional newspaper thus still has vigorous positions in the contemporary life. Additionally, fogginess of many adults accounting for by far the largest percentage of total people reading newspaper has strongly influence on existing of newspaper.

As can be seen from what has been discussed, importance of traditional newspaper can not be despised, while the prosperity of Internet newspaper has been gradually flourishing.

Answer 1

will soon be replaced -> will soonly be replaced

I like the way you paraphrased in the introduction ;) 

First and foremost -> This is an idiom, from experiences I advise not using idioms in your academic writing.

who have not sufficient time -> who have not got sufficient time

You can also write "have no" but have not got is way more academic :D 

You can go quite well with collocations, thats a good point ;) 

what happening outside -> what is/are happening outside

browse the web to read news -> browsing the web to read news

Strong standpoints, however you should pay more attention to grammar points.