Many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. Others feel that psychological assistance is required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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Prisons for a long time have been a convenience choice by the government to counter criminals. While many people endorse this solution, I believe that we must not oversee the importance of the psychological approach, as will now be discussed.
 
On one hand, it is undeniable that imprisonment is called for to reduce the number of outlaws. For one reason, it helps quarantine dangerous individuals from the good ones, and people can rest assured that their environment is safe. A country rife with outlaw activities is surely not a good place to live, and will not be able to function as a healthy society. In addition, the presence of such punishment is a serious warning to those who plan to break the law. For these reasons, many people think that imprisonments alone can save us from criminals.
 
On the other hand, we also need mental solutions to deal with criminals. There are many people who committed a crime by mistakes or terrible life choices, and they deserve another chance to restore their humanity. It is the government's responsibility to offer prisoners proper education and behavior coaching so that their mindset can be fixed and trained adequately. In contrast, if such measure is not implemented, there are high chances that they would continue practicing illegal affairs once being freed. This was the case in Vietnam where psychological help could not satisfy the demand, and many ex-offenders failed to get rid of their old habits as a result.
 
In conclusion, while prisons are necessary to maintain the well-being of the society, I believe that mental coaching programs can do wonders for those who seek a chance to be free as a normal human being.
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Hello Tuna, mình có góp ý một số chổ ở bài viết bạn thử take a look nhé hihi

Prisons for a long time have been a convenience choice => convenient choice by the government to counter => Punish ( I thought it is suitable more than counter) criminals. While many people endorse this solution, I believe that we must not oversee => consider ( Ý câu này là không được đánh giá thấp cách tiếp cận bằng phương pháp tâm lý học) the importance of the psychological approach, as will now be discussed.

On one hand, it is undeniable that imprisonment is called for to reduce the number of outlaws. For one reason, it helps quarantine dangerous individuals from the good ones , and people can rest assured that their environment is safe  => it limits activities of criminal and prevent people from doing thing out of the law. . A country rife (từ này là tính từ, không đứng sau danh từ nhé) with outlaw activities is surely not a good place to live, and will not be able to function as a healthy society (Phần này suggest bạn đưa example, For instance, lawbreakers was caught and put in prison which have no chance to conduct any thing out of the law, or people who intend to do illegal thing will have real image of the penalty, they would consider on their acting plan.   In addition, the presence of such punishment is a serious warning to those who plan to break the law. For these reasons, many people think that imprisonments alone can save us from criminals (câu này không liên kết củng như support cho các ý ở trên)

 

 

On the other hand, we also need mental solutions to deal with criminals. There are many people who committed a crime by mistakes or terrible life choices, and they deserve another chance to restore their humanity => (Resore hình như hơi giống laptop :)), .....another change to discern on what they did wrong and avoid any similar mistake in the future. It is the government's responsibility to offer prisoners proper education and behavior coaching so that their mindset can be fixed and trained adequately( Câu này nội dung không hổ trợ củng như liên kết  với câu trên, bạn thử xem lại nhé). In contrast, if such measure is not implemented ( câu này ko hiểu ý bạn luôn), there are high chances that they would continue practicing illegal affairs once being freed. This was the case in Vietnam where psychological help could not satisfy the demand, and many ex-offenders failed to get rid of their old habits as a result.  (Nhận xét chung đoạn này của bạn không được logic và convince như idea viết ở đoạn trên )
 
In conclusion, while prisons are necessary to maintain the well-being of the society, I believe that mental coaching programs can do wonders for those who seek a chance to be free as a normal human being.
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4 Comments

Tôi không tin tưởng các ý kiến của bạn, đơn giản vì phát biểu "tính từ không đứng sau danh từ" của bạn. Mời bạn xem title một bài báo của thetimes uk

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/troops-leave-a-country-rife-with-corruption-vg35cd3c6kp

Ngoài ra bạn dùng từ discern sai. Bạn nên học cách dùng từ, hoặc đơn giản là dùng từ dễ.

Vì lí do này mình đoán bạn là người mới học viết. Cảm ơn sự nhiệt tình của bạn, nhưng mình không tin tưởng bạn.

Mình có một tip để tránh dùng sai từ đó là tra cả cụm trên google. Ví dụ khi tra "discern on what they did" bạn sẽ thấy zero kết quả.

Không dùng từ punish vì mục tiêu chính là để đối phó với nạn tội phạm, chứ không phải trừng phạt không thôi. Vì nếu chỉ nói về trừng phạt trong bài này thì sẽ không đạt task response, tức là k address được đủ các term trong prompt, vì người ta đang nói chung về crime problem.

Hi Tuna

Chử rife mình comment theo công thức grammar các loại từ ở vị ở trong câu. Chắc từ này ở trong trường hợp đặt biệt. 

discern on what they did lúc mình ghi củng cá là confuse.

Cảm ơn bạn đã feedback lại nhé :))

bạn có lẽ chưa biết mệnh đề rút gọn. bạn có thể học thêm công thức. cho bạn keyword: Reduced Relative Clause

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