Mọi người sửa giúp em bài này với ạ! (Bài IELTS task 2 - economy)

Question

Most countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the interest of economic development outweigh?

It is true that economic growth enables citizens of a nation better lives. Although this tendency is expected to be attributable to the disappearance of numerous social values, I am more inclined that these merits from economic breakthrough will be far more than its disadvantages.

On the one hand, economic development could have a detrimental impact on communities on the whole. It is apparent that those who catch up with the opportunity and take advantage of technological advance would stabalize in the increasingly competitive world, hence becoming more well-off. That rich and poor gap has been widening is more likely to be inevitable, and discrimination among people of diverse social backgrounds has become a norm.

On the other hand, economic achievement could optimize benefits of residents if rational policies are imposed to preserve these social values. Local authorities might allocate resources which obtains from economic projects or investments to subsidize for the homeless and people living under the poverty line. Additionally, economic well - being means many employment opportunities for local people. This, consequensely, would narrow the social gap. 

To terminate, I hold a firm to may belief that social values could be enhanced once economic growth is exploited properly.

(368 words)

 

Answer 1

Bài viết không đủ 250 từ nha bạn.

Bài viết sử dụng nhiều từ/ cụm từ mới lạ

"It is true that economic growth enables citizens of a nation better lives. Although this tendency is expected to be attributable to the disappearance of numerous social values, I am more inclined that these merits from economic breakthrough will be far more than its disadvantages.

On the one hand, economic development could have a detrimental impact on communities on the whole. It is apparent that those who catch up with the opportunity and take advantage of technological advance would stabalize in the increasingly competitive world, hence becoming more well-off. That rich and poor gap has been widening is more likely to be inevitable, and discrimination among people of diverse social backgrounds has become a norm.

On the other hand, economic achievement could optimize benefits of residents if rational policies are imposed to preserve these social values. Local authorities might allocate resources which obtains from economic projects or investments to subsidize for the homeless and people living under the poverty line. Additionally, economic well - being means many employment opportunities for local people. This, consequensely, would narrow the social gap. 

To terminate, I hold a firm to may belief that social values could be enhanced once economic growth is exploited properly."

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn nhé:). Bạn cho mình hỏi với đề này mình có thể bổ sung thêm được ý gì ko nhỉ?

Answer 2

It is true that national economic growth enables / help citizens of a nation have better lives. Although this tendency is expected to be attributable to the disappearance of numerous social values, I am more inclined that these merits from economic breakthrough will be far more than its disadvantages.

On the one hand, economic development could have a detrimental impact on communities on the whole / world. It is apparent that those who catch up with the opportunity and take advantage of technological advance would stabalize in the increasingly competitive world, hence becoming more well-off. That rich and poor gap has been widening is more likely to being inevitable, and discrimination among people of diverse social backgrounds has become a norm.

On the other hand, economic achievement could optimize benefits of residents if rational policies are imposed to preserve these social values. Local authorities might allocate resources which obtains from economic projects or investments to subsidize for the homeless and people living under the poverty line. Additionally, economic well - being means many employment opportunities for local people. This, consequensely, would narrow the social gap. 

To terminate, I hold a firm to may belief that social values could be enhanced once economic growth is exploited properly.

Bài viết nên tóm gọn ý lại hơn và thêm ví dụ vào làm dẫn chứng sẽ cải thiện điểm số đáng kể.

Band: 6 - 6.5