More government money should be invested in teaching science than in other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do u agree or disagree?
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People have different views about what should be taught in the educational system. Personally, I agree that the national budget should be spent equally on teaching both science and other areas to stimulate the country’s progress.

It is true that scientific knowledge has made a great contribution to the economic success. Technology helps save labour forces, boost production efficiency; as a result, companies have chances to expand domestic production, to increase profit and to promote the prosperity of economy. For example, in Japan, steel- collar workers with preset programs are willing to work around the clock to fulfill customers’ orders of automobile. Robots are likely the renovation based on knowledge related to science. Furthermore, if equipped with fundamental comprehension of science,young generation might easily make incredibly useful discoveries and inventions  worth millions of dollar, depending on their pratical usage. In reality, scientific breakthrough has changed the economic face of infant industrial countries worldwide, such as China, Korea, Singapore.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that general knowledge is also the driving force of social progress. Nowadays, learning English- the international language is vital to any ambitious students who want to get out of the comfort zone and to be recognised all over the world. Moveover, national culture value and moral standards should be concentrated on educational programs, due to the fact that these unique beauties make clear differences among nations. Besides, popular social knowledge are helpful for global citizens who have a great passion for international culture exchange. Basic comprehension of the literature, art, music,… could open the door to human civilization. They are practical resources for citizens to build an intelligent country.

To sum up, I totally agree that government’s money invested in educating not only science but also other subjects is a smart way due to these ranges of reasons above.
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It is true that (too intense, if u could find another phrase that makes the sent. less like an assumption, it'd be better) scientific knowledge has made a great contribution to the economic success economy. Technology helps save labour forces , boost production efficiency (productivity); as a result, companies have chances (the opportunity) to expand domestic production, increase profit and promote the prosperity of economy. For example, in Japan, steel-collar workers with preset programs (good phrase!!) are willing to work around the clock to fulfill customers’ orders of automobile. Robots are likely the renovation based on knowledge related to science (seemingly unnecessary and meaningless). Furthermore, if equipped with fundamental comprehension of science,young generation might easily make incredibly useful discoveries and inventions  worth millions of dollar, depending on their pratical usage (not quite needed). In reality, scientific breakthrough has changed the economic face of infant industrial countries worldwide, such as China, Korea, Singapore (how?, please explain the idea a little bit) .

 

OK, it's just a sample.
Your essay is nicely organized. The idea is clear. Your vocab is advance. Minor grammar mistakes are there, need rechecking. However, please tone down a bit. Present simple in writing IELTS makes your essay extreme and overgeneralized, so refrain from using it and use modal verbs instead.

 

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I see your point clearly. Thank you so much. I will try to write again following your advice.
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Basic comprehension of the literature, art, music,…=> and so forth could open the door to human civilization. They are practical resources for citizens to build an intelligent country.

To sum up, I totally agree that government’s money invested in educating not only science but also other subjects is a smart way due to these ranges of reasons above.

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Thanks so much.:)))

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