Hello trangnth1193, in general, your essay provides a good view of the topic. However, there are some points that make me confused while reading it, I would like to give some minor suggestions below:
The policy to provide computers to prisoners remains controversial. Some people think that this policy might provide equal chance for all citizens (citizens? the prisonsers are people whose citizens are suspended or abolished by the government until they are out of jail, your subject of the topic here is the prisoners)to have a stable life like free citizens while others claim that it may put national security in danger. I partly disagree with the statement for the following reasons.
First, the argument is that in psychology and fairness (fairness, it seems like only psychology here is enough, the word fairness does not match with psychology), it is believed that providing computers has a positive influence on prisoners. By virtue of being accessed high technology like others prisoners feel happy and fair-treated. Nevertheless, many citizens feel unfair. For instance, children may believe that there is no need to try hard to become a good citizen because all people are created conditions to have a good life. ( this is a good way of refuting the idea that providing computers is fair for prisoners, however, the last sentence did not clearly support your argument. The readers might wonder that Why is the writer putting children and other citizens here? Maybe you should make some comparisons to make it clearer.)
Second, this decision is thought that it gives people opportunities to correct their mistakes. Only until the prisoners is provided computers do they enhance their knowledge and their virtue ( yeah! But they are also provided books and classes which teach them virtue?, using the structure only until.................. in this case is a bit too strong I guess, I suggest using If...... structure). However, this decision may put national security in jeopardy. For example, if the prisoners can connect to other crimes outside to act, polices are difficult ( its is difficult for policies) to control and catch them. In addition, when the prisoners use computers too often, they can suffer eye-sight problems and many diseases. On other hand, this policy also has an unwanted effect on economic. With If the governments pouring too much money into prisoners, other industries will lack budget to develop (lead to budget deficit). As a result of this investing (investing is more like business , prisons are not business; maybe spending), citizens must pay high tax.
In conclusion, I am partly (strongly?) against the policy of providing computers to prisoners since it might be unfair and waste of money. (wasting of money and dangerous for national security?)
Regards,
Duong NGUYEN.