Hello,
You have done a good job in explaining both of the sides of the arguments and also provided good examples. The supports are strong and persuasive. However, I think if there are some changes in grammars and word expressions, it will looks much better ;) I would like to contribute some of my suggestions for your essay as follow:
Some people argue that children should learn how to compete but (do you think While could be a better choice?) the others support the idea that children should be taught to cooperate so as to be useful adults. In this essay, I’ll discuss both of these ideas and give my own opinion.
To my mind, both are of the same importantce (hold the same level of importance) for children. For the first idea, it (replace it by competing?) is necessary for children to get used to competitive environment. Firstly, they need to compete against other people to get good opportunities in study ing as well as in work. For instance, in competiton for a full-financed scholarship for studying abroad, students must struggle ( struggle? for my knowledege, I think struggle is only used in wars or fights, maybe contest?) hard with other candidates because the requirements are so demanding and only one who is the best can be chosen. Secondly, children (people) will have to compete to get promoted in their career. When they work in a corporation, the one who stand out will draw the boss’ attention and can be appointed for higher position.
On the other hand, cooperating with others in the group is no less substantial. When some people work together, the result will be enhanced if they combine their ideas to obtain the most feasible solution to an issue. Moreover, working as a group is a good chance for people to improve on their inferior weakened skills. A member who is bad at some aspects can learn some valuable experience from the others who is are better. As a rusult result of this, their skills will be gradually advanced improved.
For some reasons above, I strongly recommend that children should be taught either to compete or to cooperate for a good foundation of their future.
The conclusion is a little brief and short, I think you can make it longer by contributing more opinions.
Duong NGUYEN.