mọi người giúp mình chữa bài task 2 này với ạ! thanks ^^

Question

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone, particularly in large cities in the developed world. In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.

The rise of one-person households could be seen as positive for both personal budget and economic’s development. Firstly, on an individual level, people who choose to live alone might be more independent and self-confident than those who live with family. For instance, a young person who lives alone will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, which are valuable life skills that shows certainly positive development of one-person household. Another advantage of the trend towards living alone contributing to broader economic. This is illustrated by the fact that the greater demand for housing of living alone people will bring benefit to the construction industry, estate agents and other housing trade  companies.

Despite the positive sides of living alone, it is claimed that the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite sides. One downside of living alone is that people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry. Additionally, they also lose  the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must be stress with the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one. Furthermore, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing will possibly push up property prices and rents. Obviously, this may benefit some businesses,but in the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.

In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.

Answer 1

Bài viết khá tốt, tuy nhiên mình có một số góp ý sau:

Phần mở bài có vẻ bạn hơi chệc choạc, mình góp ý nên sửa thế này : In recent year, it is popular that people tend to have a decision of living alone, they do not want to live with other people. In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative impacts for social development.

Có vài điểm cần lưu ý trong bài của bạn:

Dòng thứ 5: Bạn thêm từ firstly vô, vậy the second...final đâu? Chỗ này nên sửa là First of all.

Dòng thứ 9: Contributing to broader economic  sửa lại là contributing to stronger economics.

Dòng thứ 13: One downside nên sửa là the downside

Dòng thứ 14: experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry sửa là suffer the loneliness, isolation and worry. Additionally sửa là In addition nhé.

Dòng 15: they must be stress with the weight of all household bills and responsibilities sửa thành they must be overwhelm by balancing many payments that noone share with them such as household bill, food, healthcare and so on. 

Bạn nên bỏ cái in this sense... ( lỗi lặp lại)

Kết luận nên paraphase lại như sau:

In conclusion, it is clear that the increase in one-person households is not only beneficial but also detrimental on individuals and the economy, and what we should do is choosing the appropriate living style.

Nhớ rate cho mình nhé 

Comments

cám ơn góp ý hữu ích của bạn nhé

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Bạn có thắc mắc gì, hay bổ sung gì thêm phần góp ý của mình không?

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bạn sửa hay lắm, mình viết còn lọng cọng quá hihi

Answer 2

bố cục bài của bạn khá rõ ràng nhưng mình có 1 số góp ý sau:

Phần mở bài bạn dùng từ hơi rắc rối, theo mình ntn sẽ dễ hiểu hơn cho người đọc:

In recent years, more and more people choose to live alone, especially in large cities in developed countries. In my opinion, this trend could lead to both positive and negative consequences.

ở câu đầu tiên của đoạn 2, bạn nên thay từ positive bằng advantage để tránh bị lặp với câu thứ 2 ở đoạn 1

Ở đoạn 2, thay vì "Another advantage of the trend towards living alone contributing to broader economic", bạn có thể viết:

Secondly, the trend towards living alone can contribute to the development of the economic

ở đoạn 3, thay vì "Additionally, they also lose  the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must be stress with the weight of all household bills and responsibilities", bạn có thể viết

Additionally, they are also lack of emotional support and daily conversations that family or flatmates can provide, and they must be stress with the big amount of household bills and resposibilites.

Comments

cám ơn góp ý của bạn nhiều