IELTS writing task 1!

Question

       The charts illustrate the movement of the world population between 1400 and 2000 and comparison of the percentage of people by area in the world in 1900 and 2000.

        At first glance it is clear that the global population rose dramatically over a period shown and reached the highest point in 2009. We can also see in the pie charts that Asia and Europe were the two most populous region in the world in both 1900 and 2000 compared to others.

        With approximately 0.4 billion people in 1400, the world population increased gradually until in 1700, then it suddenly plummeted at under 1 billion in 1800. There was a boom of population after that, the number of people climbed rapidly and reached a peaked at 6 billion people in 2009.

        By 1900, Asia and Europe accounted for 60% and 24% of the amount of people, and these figure had a slight decrease, at about 14% and 54% perceptively in 2000. While the rate of people in North America stayed constant at one in twenty in 1900 or 2000, the population of Latin America, Africa and others went up considerably. Especially in Africa, the proportion of people has increased nearly threefold in 2000 than in 1900.             

Answer 1

the population of Latin America, Africa and others went up considerably

go up thường được xem là informal trong writing task 1 vì giám khảo thường ko thích từ họ gặp quá nhiều, nếu có thể bạn nên thay thế bằng các từ khác như : Rocket, climb, rise v..v...

The charts illustrate the movement of the world population between 1400 and 2000 and comparison of the percentage of people by area in the world in 1900 and 2000.

bạn thiếu khá nhiều số liệu về đơn vị đo ( measurement)

At first glance it is clear that the global population rose dramatically over a period shown and reached the highest point in 2009. We can also see in the pie charts that Asia and Europe were the two most populous region in the world in both 1900 and 2000 compared to others.

- điều quan trong nhất trong writing task 1 la số liệu và bạn ko đưa ra được bất kì số liệu nào cả

bạn có thể thêm : with ? % and ? % respectively.

By 1900, Asia and Europe accounted for 60% and 24% of the amount of people, and these figure had a slight decrease, at about 14% and 54% perceptively in 2000 ???

While the rate of people in North America stayed constant at one in twenty in 1900 or 2000 ???

the population of Latin America, Africa and others went up considerably

go up thường được xem là informal trong writing task 1 vì giám khảo thường ko thích từ họ gặp quá nhiều, nếu có thể bạn nên thay thế bằng các từ khác như : Rocket, climb, rise v..v...

Especially in Africa, the proportion of people has had increased nearly threefold in 2000 than in 1900.      

Maybe you need a summary to conclude all the information about the major overall trends.

 

Answer 2

 The charts illustrate the movement of the world population between 1400 and 2000 and comparison of the percentage of people by area in the world in 1900 and 2000.

        At first glance it is clear that the global population rose dramatically over a (eg. five-year...) period shown and reached the highest point in 2009. We can also see in the pie charts that Asia and Europe were the two most populous region in the world in both 1900 and 2000 compared to others.

        With approximately 0.4 billion people in 1400, the world population increased gradually until in 1700, then it suddenly plummeted at to under 1 billion in 1800. There was a boom of population after that, the number of people climbed rapidly and reached a peak at of 6 billion people in 2009.

        By 1900, Asia and Europe had accounted for 60% and 24% of the amount of people, and these figures had a slight decrease, at to about 14% and 54% perceptively respectively in 2000. While the rate of people percentage of population in North America stayed constant at one in twenty in 1900 or 2000, the population of Latin America, Africa and others went up considerably. Especially in Africa, the proportion of people has increased nearly threefold in 2000 than in 1900. from 1900 to 2000.