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Question

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about public museums and galleries . Whether the public museums and art galleries are not necessary because the human can see historical objects and artistic works by using computer. In my opinion, i completely disagree with this statement due to i believe that public muuseums and art galleries abtain private advantag

 

  It is obvious that museums and art galleries are filled with real historical factors and arttistic works. It means that they show the factors which invoved in a country's tradition are really crucial.For example , BA DINH museum which located in HANOI has numerous of historical such as war picture , equipments which people in the past used to gain invader. Therefore, museums and art galleries play an important role in rising the public's awareness of history and tradition

 

  Moreover, it is more interesting if people explore real things instead see them on computer.when people go to the muse

ums or galleries ,they can appriciate good stories obout history by museums stAPPS

 

 IT IS not true to say that the people should not see historycal factos on their computer but still, it is better to savour them in museums and galleries.

 

  In conclution, the museums and galleries have a great effect on the tradition of a cuontry and the citizens will benefit from them

 

 

 

Answer 1

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about public museums and galleries . Whether the public museums and art galleries are not necessary because the human can see historical objects and artistic works by using computer. In my opinion, i completely disagree with this statement due to i believe that public muuseums and art galleries abtain private advantageS.

  It is obvious that museums and art galleries are filled with real historical factors and arttistic works. It means that they show the factors which invoved in a country's traditionS are really crucial ( không dùng tân ngữ của câu trước làm chủ ngữ của câu sau - "country's traditions").For example , BA DINH museum, which located in HANOI, (Dùng dấu , để ngăn cách - bắt buộc) has numerous of historical (ta cần danh từ, kp tính từ,  "historical evidences") such as war pictureS , equipments (không "s" mà thiết bị gì cơ?? Công cụ lao động hay cgi?) which people in the past ( word by word quá, "the ancients")  used to gain invader (xem lại cụm này nhé vì mình cũng k hiểu ý bạn). Therefore, museums and art galleries play an important role in rising the public's awareness of history and tradition. 

Moreover, it is more interesting if people explore real things instead see (instead of watching) them on computer.when people go to the museums or galleries ,they can appriciate good stories obout history by museums stAPPS (ý bạn là STAFF) IT IS not true to say that the people should not see historycal factos on their computer but still, it is better to savour them in museums and galleries.

 In conclution, the museums and galleries have a great effects on the tradition of a cuontry and the citizens will benefit from them.

my opinion: 

-strong: đã có 3 phần. Khẳng định được quan điểm của bản thân. Idea ổn (kiểu nên thêm 1 lý do nữa là nếu đến bảo tàng hay là triển lãm thì còn có thể trải nghiệm những trò chơi hay hoạt động dân gian, mặc quần áo ngày xưa,...) 

- weak: sai chính tả quá nhiều. Mỗi đoạn mà sai chính tả 3 4 từ thì thực sự k ổn. Danh từ số nhiều??? Và academic vocabulary thì còn thiếu nhiều. Ví dụ cụm "museums and galleries" lập lại quá nhiều. Galleries = exhibitions = arts. 

 http://chuawritingmienphi.com/4913/please-check-thanks-writing-ielts-choice-either-abroad-remain-country-vacation-choice

Answer 2

Nowadays, an(the) increasing ( increase) number of people are( is) concerned about public museums and galleries . Whether the public museums and art galleries are not necessary because the human can see historical objects and artistic works by using computer. In my opinion, i completely disagree with this statement due to i believe that public muuseums and art galleries abtain private advantages.

( chắc do lỗi đánh máy thôi, bạn nên chia ra làm các phần nhé,)

 It is obvious that museums and art galleries are filled with real historical factors and arttistic works. It means that they show the factors which invoved in a country's tradition are really crucial.For example , BA DINH museum which located in HANOI has numerous of historical such as war pictures , equipments which people in the past used to gain invader. Therefore, museums and art galleries (nên đổi cách dùng từ, cặp từ này bạn sd lặp nhiều quá)  play an important role in rising the public's awareness of history and tradition.  Moreover, it is more interesting if people explore real things instead see them on computer.when people go to the museums or galleries ,they can be appriciate good( ko nên dùng) stories obout history by museums stAPPS( ý bạn là staffs?). IT IS not true to say that the people should not see historycal factos (?) on their computer but still, it is better to savour them in museums and galleries.( mình ko hiểu ý câu này)

In conclution, the museums and galleries have a great effect on the tradition of a cuontry ( country) and the citizens will benefit from them

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/4916/moi-nguoi-lam-on-xem-cho-e-ty-xem-bai-nay-dc-band-5-chua-a-cam-on-nhieu