11-1-2016 To what extent do you agree or disagree

Question

Task 2: Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum

legal age for driving cars or riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While I accept that we need to increase the minimum legal years for driving cars and riding motorbikes.I believe that the other factors are also important.

On the one hand , there are several reasons why we need to raise the ages for driving cars and riding motorbikes.Firstly, the younger people are usually less experience and  less responsible than older people.For example , if the brakes of a car sudden stopping working , the young people can afraid or a disaster because they less experience compared to the older people.Secondly, the older people have more real experiences than the young people .For instance , my father who is a driver truck for 20 years, so he has more experience for driving cars.

On the other hand, I believe that the other factors are also important , the government should be proposed to heavy punishment for driving cars. A good example is , if a driver car drunk alcohol previous go to the road , the police should be punished them . Furthermore , the government should be improved infrastructure quality roads and use cameras supervise vehicles.For example , the government should construct new roads and reinforcement the old road.

In conclusion , it seems to me that should be given policies raise legal ages to safe road for driving cars and motorbikes , in my views the other factors also contributed importantly

Answer 1

Hi there,

You have mistakes with stop functions and space after them.

The examples are in the 1st paragraph of body part are not very good. I found the first example somewhere in other people's essay, you should try another one. The second example should be develop to how well your father can drive with his 20 year experience.

For the second paragraph of body part, I think your point will be minused for the mistakes in grammar and word using. In particular, the passive voice used in the 1st & 3rd sentences (goverment should be...) is not correct. And I do not think goverment "propose" (đề xuất), they "issue" (ban hành) law, legislation or regulation etc...s

Rgds