Topic: In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completed wrong....
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Topic:  In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while some considerate it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions?

Today, it is quite common for many children to participate in some kinds of paid work to get knowledge and take more responsibility. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether working has affected on young people. Personally, I think encouraging children to paid work seems potentially negative influence on their student’s life.

These in favor of the idea argue that engaging in paid work will allow them to have a broader view of life. They believe that an experience like this will develop teamwork skills, a sense of responsibility, an honor of labor value, and other qualities that children are expected to have in future life. Therefore, joining paid work is supposed to prepare students for either school or “the real world”.

However, there are certainly issues in taking time on works. Involving in such kind of activities may lead to pressure and additional stress in their student’s busy lives since the more time they work, the less time they do their own homework, accomplish assignment or study academic subject at home. As a result, instead of learning more knowledge, they could get a bad result in studying. On the other hand, some people claim that some physical labor work could have negative effect on the physical development of children, simultaneously; working like that seems not to bring any useful experience for them.

By the way of conclusion, my view is that young people should be encouraged to broaden their horizons. Joining paid work may not necessarily be a bad thing but certainly involves a considerable influence in their life. Students should think about their priorities and minimize the possible downside of the decision they might choose

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I think that you have good essay with clear ideas. The way you use words and grammar structures is simple and effective. I have tried but can not find any mistakes. I only wonder if the word "Yet" can be used at the beginning of sentence in written document like that as I have never seen it before.

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