task2, cam1 ( mình mới học viết ielts được một tuần à, các bạn góp ý giúp mình nhé)

Question

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
( Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with example and relevant evidence)

Music is an important in human’s life. Nowadays, there have been two kind of music: music of a country and national of music. Although they have come from different types, both of them have play important roles in human life.
Country music representing an nation‘s characteristics has established for along time. Frist of all, every traditional songs describe daily life of people. Through these songs people can express their emotion, feeling wishes, even sorrow. In addition, music follows everyone from childhood to adulthood so it has profound effects to people’s growth. That is the reason why traditional music is very important and should be preserved.
Today, national music played anywhere and time has become an essential role in human’s life. Because the national songs are composed in common language, as results, people around the world can connect spirit, feeling, emotions. Furthermore, national songs can stimulate people learn new language through tones of songs. However, some songs do not have good effect every countries. Because of affecting from national songs, people may deny music of their countries.
In conclusion, although two kinds of music have important role, we have to keep balance enjoying and listening foreign language optionally.

Answer 1

 Nowadays, there have been two kind of music: music of a country and national of music.

--->international

important có thể thay = crucial role esential role.... ko nên lặp nhiều

Frist of all, every traditional songs describe daily life of people. --->first

effect--->affect

Today, national music played anywhere and time has become an essential role in human’s life. --->anytime

some songs do not have good effect--->effects

Answer 2

Mình cũng mới học IELTS, ngữ pháp cũng kém nên không giúp bạn nhiều được trừ việc chỉ ra mấy lỗi nho nhỏ mà mình thấy vậy :D

"Music is an important in human’s life" ở đây important là adj nên sau đó thiếu noun, hoặc không thì bạn bỏ "an" đi. Để bài viết được hay hơn thì mấy từ đơn giản như important bạn nên tra từ điển synonyms (đồng nghĩa) để thay các từ khác vào cho mang tính học thuật hơn, hoặc có thể thay bằng music plays a significant role in human's life. Cơ mà câu mình gợi ý trên nghe có vẻ hơi cụt nên nếu bạn dùng thì phải thêm thắt tí.

two kind of music: music of a country and national of music. -> kinds, country music, national music, mình biết bạn muốn biến từ nhưng để "music of a country" nghe nó cứ kì kì sao ý. Và đây là các dòng nhạc ai ai cũng biết rồi thì nên giữ nguyên thì có lẽ tốt hơn.

"Frist of all" , "their emotion", "spirit, feeling, emotions" lỗi chính tả và grammar tí thôi