Question

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is an undeniable fact that many people choose their career based the size of the salary offered. I personally disagree that money is the key consideration in choosing a job because I believe that other factors are equally important.

On the one hand, I agree that money is extremely important in order for people to meet their daily basic needs, For example, money is used to pay food, housing, electricity bills, education and health care. If people chose their career based on the enjoyment, they might find it difficult to have comfortable life because their jobs cannot provide enough money for them to support themselves and their family. Money is, therefore,  the major factor considered to decide on the chosen jobs.

 On the other hands, I believe that other factors are as important as what we earn from our jobs. Firstly, the atmosphere and personal relationship at the workplace are extremely important when choosing a job. Having a kind boss and friendly colleagues, for example, help us feel not only comfortable but also confident in doing the work. It is the comfort and confidence that encourage us to do the work more effectively. Moreover, some people do their enjoyable work because they want to help others. Volunteers in my country, for instance, do their best to comfort the disadvantaged people in remote or mountainous areas. They simply think that the happiest people in the world are those who bring the happiness to the others.

In conclusion, while salary certainly affects people’s choice of career, I do not believe that money outweighs all other factors when choosing a job.

269 words 

Answer 1

Đoạn bạn viết về money hơi ngắn, cụt, phát triển sâu thêm chút nữa thì hay hơn.

 

Ngữ pháp của bạn tốt song từ vựng chưa phong phú.

 

Bài viết của bạn range 6.0-6.5.

 

* một số cái lặt vặt khác: bạn lưu ý nếu đã dùng First thì nên dùng tiếp Second, chứ đừng viết 'moreover', 'furthermore' v.v

 

Chúc bạn thành công

 

Tu Pham IPP

Comments

Em cảm ơn thầy :)