Causes and and solutions of School Violence. Which do you think is the most important solution to this phenomenon
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   Recent days, school violence is recrudencing dramatically, which has caused deep concerns from human society. In the following essay, some available reasons and the sensible suggestions for problem are considered carefully.

          Firstly, one of the prime cause of school crime lie in the reckless disregard of teachers. Teachers maybe consider their general obligation that they only need teach effectively in class. Thus, teachers have not paid meticulous attention to children's relationship and extracurricular activities. Consequently, when serious fighting happens suddenly, teachers are not able to prevent immediately. Secondly, the strong effects of close relatives who have many experiences of violence and bad peers are the other roots of brutal attack at school. Kids will follow blindly and deal with private quarrel by bitter struggles. Thirdly, because of lacking social knowledge and appearing for boost themselves, related violence students are willing to finish fierce combats by fighting opponents.

          Something needs to be done instantly to control absolutely this hot issue. The first  and the most important recommendation is to raise and equip extensive knowledge about disadvantages and negative influences of violence in school. Besides, human education and psychology should be taught at early ages. By this way, students can fully comprehend and strictly control themselves from bad temper. Secondly, another constructive advice is that parents and teachers can organize outdoor parties and extra activities in order to make children closer. Last but not least, let kids attend a martial class such as taekwondo class is a wise choice to protect the weaker from being bullied and battling at study environment.

            In conclusion, school violence is still happening spontaneously and becoming huge complex. However, this controversial topic still can be answered and restricted quickly if some suggestions accomplish successfully.

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Bài còn nhiều lỗi với Word choice, collocation. Nhiều chỗ khác viết không rõ ý, do thiếu Objective. Bạn sẽ còn một chặng đường khá xa nữa để đạt điểm trước tiên là 6.0, sau đó là 6.5+.

Các lỗi ngữ pháp cơ bản khác: lỗi sử dụng giới từ, chia động từ. Các lỗi khác như sử dụng liên kết các phần của câu chưa hợp lý.

Tu Pham IPP IELTS
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