the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. [closed]

Question

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.

 

It is undeniable that juvenile crime in large cities has been rising in all over the world recently. There are several causes of this alarming trend, but measeres could certainly be taken to tackle the problem.

 

One of the main reason which causes offence in youths is unemployment. When young labors cannot seek a job, they are put in financial pressure. This leads to commit a crime such as burglar or robbery in order to survice on very little money. With this problem, governments play a vital role in addressing. Creating a number of occupations annually by implementing new policies which spur national economy developing is in need of immediate activation. Furthermore, unemployees need aid from government programs in training soft skills that creates more opportunities in reaching jobs.

 

Another vital reason why crime rate in youth adult has increased recently is that the control of drugs and alcohol of authorities is ineffective. It is easy for youth people to buy wine or addictive drugs without permit. Using these substances in the worst way causes mental disorders which suffer uncontrollable actions. As a result, they are likely to perpetrate not only petty crime but also serious offence. There is only one measure to deal with this issus which is that strict punishment must enforce to those who commit in abusing drugs, alcohol and addictive substances. Also, the government requires the media in producing programs which help the population in being aware of negative effects of those substances and abiding by the law. 

 

In conslusion, unemployment and drugs abuse are two main reasons which cause high youth crime rate and the government with effective measures need to implement to solve actively this problem.       

 

Answer 1

I think that your essay is good. You used a variety of vocabulary, particularly collocations. Some are new to me. I think your grammar and essay structure are good, indeed. Just one think to remind you, correct spellings. And another thing that I want to share is to try to write more to make your essay smoothly and use right vocabulary in right situation. You dont need to use a lot of jargon. What you need at the moment is to use those words naturally as much as you can.

Comments

Could you show me incorrect spellings and jargon in my essay? Thanks.

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I guess you put a lot of efforts on this essay. You should try to read it again as you are not familiar with this essay and the author. You will understand why I said that. Or you can try another way to test how many academic words you can use by reading other articles and counting how many words are strange to you. I know you may question me that your vocabulary is limited or blah blah. But this is a good method to practise writing naturally.
 For correct spellings, you can copy and paste the whole essay in word file and open "spelling check." It is easier to identify.

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Thanks.
Frankly, I wrote this essay under 40 minutes. I've just checked spellings with MS word, and you are right because my essay has a lot of mistakes in spellings. However, I am the author of this essay.