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Today, it is an undeniable fact that advanced technology has changed people’s daily routine and gives them more free time than in the past. In my opinion, I partially agree with this point of view.

On the one hand, the development of technology, modern electronic devices is invented to make people’s lives easier and faster. Above all, one of the most beneficial impacts of this trend is in housework. Technological devices and applications are becoming helpers to support housewives in order to solve household chores problems. In fact, these days, mothers do not face difficulties in cleaning their homes with the help of several inventions. Therefore, people, especially women, have more time for themselves. Additionally, the magic of technology also assists people at work.  With an internet-connected smartphone, workers can do multiple tasks and have plenty of leisure time. For instance, a businessman can create a virtual conference at home instead of wasting time taking a long trip to an arranged location. As a result, they can have more time for their family or their hobbies.

On the other hand, while electronic devices bring several positive aspects, these negative effects also impact ways of people’s life. First of all, along with the rapid development of technology, people become over-reliant on high-tech devices, particularly children and teenagers. Besides, both children and adults now are being attracted to games online as well as social networks, which makes them less participate in outdoor activities.  Consequently, young generations tend to immerse themselves in a sedentary lifestyle, leading to health problems such as obesity or diabetes.

To conclude, admittedly, technological advances are very useful in human life, however, humankind needs to have awareness of the dangerous impacts on people's lifestyle of this growth.

 
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góp ý hay nhất

Today ( These days/ Nowadays) it is an undeniable fact ( indisputably ) that advanced technology has changed people (human )’s daily routine and gives them more free time than in the past.( brings about a larger span of relaxing time) In my opinion, I partially agree with this point of view. ( Đề bài là give us vì vậy nếu ghi ở đây là " them " thì nó không được make sense lắm)

On the one hand, the development of technology, modern electronic devices is are invented to make people’s lives easier and faster. Above all, one of the most beneficial impacts of this trend is in on housework. Technological devices and applications are such great assisting tools for housewives in order to solve household chores problems. (deal with household chores ). In fact, these days, mothers do not face difficulties in ( no longer have to struggle with ) cleaning their homes with the help of several inventions. Therefore, people, especially women, have more time for themselves. Additionally, the magic of technology also assists people at work.  With an internet-connected smartphone, workers can do multiple tasks and have plenty of leisure time. For instance, a businessman can create a virtual conference at home instead of wasting time taking a long trip to an arranged location. As a result, they can have more time for their family or their hobbies.

On the other hand, while electronic devices bring several positive aspects, these negative effects also impact ways of people’s life ( humankind is also under the sway of some drawbacks/ demerits.). First of all, along with the rapid development (progress) of technology, people become over-reliant on high-tech devices, particularly children and teenagers. Besides, both children and adults now are prone to be addicted to games online ( online games as well as social networks, which makes them less participate in outdoor activities results in the plummet in outdoor participation.  Consequently, young generations tend to immerse themselves in a sedentary lifestyle, leading to health problems such as obesity or diabetes.

To conclude, admittedly, technological advances are very useful in human life, however, humankind needs to have awareness of the dangerous impacts on people's lifestyle of this growth.

Thực ra mình cảm thấy bài này có chút bị lạc đề. cái luận điểm 2 của bạn về disagree nó không thực sự liên quan đến cái đề bài. Vì đề bài chỉ nói là give more leisure time chứ không hề nói là nó chỉ mang lại lợi ích.

Ngoài ra thì vốn từ của bạn không được academic lắm. band chắc không cao được :<

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)
được bầu chọn là bài viết hay nhất bởi
0 phiếu
Bài sát chủ đề và không nhiều từ khó nên đọc rất dễ hiểu.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
0 phiếu
doc dễ hiểu nhưng cần nâng cao từ vựng
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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