(Discussion Essay) School plays a more important role than family in shaping one's personalities.

Question

Topic: (Discussion Essay) School plays a more important role than family in shaping one's personalities.Disscuss.

 

  In the process of the personal development, human being have been affected by various enviroment.Some think the role of school is increasingly becoming more significant in forming people's personalities,others argue that family is such an origin place of each person to be oriented correctly.Both points of view will be analyzed in this essay.

  On the one hand, It is felt that school has had profound influence on shaping personalitis.In Vietnam, for example,most of children, who are at the school age,usually spend more time at school,even at midday.As the result, their main evironment,school, has been a contributing factor to building the character, virtue and knowledge for them.Thus, It is clear that scool is an integral part in every period of time.

  On the other hand, family is always the best place for anybody to be grown up.it is because people were with their parents when they were a child, and therefore being shaped the personality in their own home is something wonderful.For instance, parents have taught their children about action, moral, as well as guided them how to conduct themselves in all situations.From the analysi.s above, It is true that however the life has changed, the roles of family would be never able to be replaced .

  In conclustion shaping the persionalities of a person is not only the responsibilities for school but allo is the duty of family.It is hoped that there would be a balance between these two major environments affteced directly to our nex generations, and that everybody should early recognize this important thing.

Answer 1

Theo mình thì mình sẽ sửa thế này (ý kiến riêng thôi nhé :D ). Theo mình, bạn sử dụng hơi nhiều cấu trúc "It is Ved that..." vào nhiều chỗ đôi khi không cần thiết, những chỗ này mình đã đánh dấu màu tím cho bạn.

In the process of the personal development, human being have been affected by various environment.Some think the role of school is increasingly becoming more significant in forming people's personalities,others argue that family is such an origin place of each person to be oriented correctly.Both points of view will be analyzed in this essay.

  On the one hand, It is felt that school has had profound influence on shaping personalities (Câu này có thể sửa là: School is believed to have profound influence on shaping personalities).In Vietnam, for example,most of children, who are at the school age,usually spend more time at school,even at midday (Câu có thể viết lại là: Children spend the majority of their time at school).As the result, their main evironment,school, has been a contributing factor to building the character, virtue and knowledge for them.Thus, It is clear that scool is an integral part in every period of time.

  On the other hand, family is always the best place for anybody to be grown up.it is because people were with their parents when they were a child, and Therefore, being shaped the personality in their own home is something wonderful  (Câu này mình chưa hiểu ý lắm).For instance, parents have taught their children about action, moral, as well as guided them how to conduct themselves in all situations.From the analysi.s above, It is true that however the life has changed, the roles of family would be never able to be replaced .

  In conclustion, shaping the persionalities of a person is not only the responsibilities for school (school responsibilities) but also is the duty of family.It is hoped that there would be a balance between these two major environments affteced directly to our next generations, and that everybody should early recognize this important thing.