Good morning catherine98, your essay looks fine in terms of structure and points of view. However, I think the supporting points should be reorganized or rewritten to make the essay look decent.
Governments nowadays have a high concern with education system, in particularly the method of evaluation.Some schools or universities still force the students to follow formal '' pen and paper" exams, but simultaneously others do not hesitate to take a risk and change the method of appraisal
(appraisal is more like for estimate the values of sth, assessment is a better choice here)
Firstly, No one can deny the fact that the handwritten tests have proved itself to be (grammartical mistake: "tests-itself?")an indispensable part of knowledge evaluation. It is believed that formal " pen and paper" exams have been a classic form of student's knowledge appraisal since schools appeared. Noticeable(should be adverb here) many students are able to demonstrate their comprehension fully or share their own ideas about some problems--> This sentence provides for what point, it seems not to be involved or supporting any sentences above it.Traditional form of exams promote well the students' assessment and in my opinion they it will continue to be used use as an intelligent evaluation measurement
Despite some pros of formal "pen and paper'' tests ,they will be replaced by a new type- standard tests which are considered as a crucial (most accurate?, crucial is sth must be done but the word crucial does not really express the importance of the change in test forms)evaluation due to its plentiful form of inquiry. For example, a standard test comprised of: multiple choice, true or false questions, essay questions,...etc can evaluate students' ability or their to master of knowledge from different perspectives.On the other hand, the undeniable reason why standard tests do not measure a true educational achievement is that some students are better at oral tests rather than written forms. -----> this sentence looks fine, however, looking back at the previous sentence of this sentence, do you think they contrast each other? The "for example" sentence, you are giving an example of only "pen and paper" test. As a result, your example does not support the point that "pen and paper" exams should be replaced.However,i reckon that the contemporary ways of appraisal will be beneficial in some cases
In summary, i think both formal " pen and paper" examinations and standard tests provide us with flexible skills
Regards,
Duong NGUYEN