Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations?
6,271 views
0 votes
0 votes

PLEASE EVALUATE MY ESSAY AND SCORE IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH

 

These days, a lot of college students are still living with their parents, whilst others have transferred to another site in order to live alone and start studying in a different environment. both circumstances have benefits and unhelpfulness, therefore,  I will outline in this following essay.   
 
To begin with, notwithstanding they are old enough and eligible for not being reliant on others, university can stay with their families because of these two reasons. Firstly, parents will always accompany them in every hardship. It is significant when it comes to facing troubles, sadness or even despair, they can request for help and advice, since parents are principally mature and have undergone countless ups and downs of life. Secondly, mental and physical health are guaranteed as long as they are in comfort of their home.  For instance, mother is doubtlessly good at cooking, and consequently, she will make wholesome diets and nutritious regimen on a regular basis, which are beneficial for her children's energy. Yet, somehow, owing to those comfortablenesses, students gradually become passive, lazy, dependent, as well as inconsistent in their own decisions in life. As a result, they will continue enjoying in the comfort zone without concerning about being self-made. 
 
By contrast, those who are currently both acquiring knowledge at a higher education and living on their own are independent, well-experienced and self-disciplined. In fact, they have to take care completely of themselves, get access to self-study,  as well as strive to make a living. Accordingly, life skills such as housekeeping skill, social skill, cognitive skill will be enhanced, which would bring them a solidary in their upcoming future. Nevertheless, as no one is beside them when it comes to undergoing difficulties, they easily suffer from being collapsed by high pressure, which is likely to lead to depression. Moreover, while filling with sorrow or broken-heartedness, all they can do is to stand and overcome these unendurable feelings strongly, since there is no advisor or listener near them.  
 
In conclusion, either staying with parents in a cozy house, or going to a strange place to study and live, have advantages and helplessness for students.

 

THANKS A LOT FOR READREADING
 
by
5 points

Please log in or register to answer this question.

1 Answer

0 votes
0 votes

....both circumstances have benefits and unhelpfulness, therefore,  I will outline in this following essay.   

Benefits and unhelpfulness không hoàn toàn trái ngược nghĩa, chúng thuộc hai diện khác nhau nên từ disadvantages seems more ok đó.

This following essay hơi thừa thãi, emit following đi bạn nhé!

...university can stay with their families because of....

Từ này dùng k chuẩn, nên thay từ khác nhé!

In conclusion, either staying with parents in a cozy house, or going to a strange place to study and live, have advantages and helplessness for students.

Hơi chưng hửng nhé, bạn viết overall rất tốt, triển khai ý khá ok, nhưng đoạn cuối lại hơi short và k summarize hết một cách đầy đủ, cái kết này làm bạn mất điểm nhiều đó.

Tuy nghiên, mình đánh giá cao range of vocab của bạn, thực sự rất ấn tượng, however, một số chỗ k nên dùng từ quá cao siêu như significant... Hãy nhớ, idea vẫn trên hết and sometimes k nhất thiết dùng từ cao siêu mới band cao.

Chúc bạn học tốt!

 

by
38 points

4 Comments

Trình độ bạn bây giờ là B2 nhé!

Về phần conclusion, bạn để lại mail, mình có vài template có thể giúp bạn improve nên sẽ gửi cho bạn.

Mình k viết lại vì mình nghĩ chính bạn là người viết the whole essay nên có thể tốt hơn nếu bạn tự mình rewrite.

Tiếp tục tiến bộ nha!

Hô hô hô hô hô.  Chân thành cảm ơn bạn nhiều.  

Mail mình đây: [email protected]

Nhân tiện,  tí nữa mình viết tiếp bài mới,  bạn góp ý giùm mình với.

À, để b2 lên c1 IELTS thì 3 tháng liệu có đủ không bạn?
Nếu cố gắng mỗi ngày 3-4 tiếng thì chắc chắn ok đó!

Mình đã gửi email, bạn check rồi thảo luận tiếp nhé!

Related questions