#Task1 #barchart #plshelpme

Question

Pls help me to correct this. Thank a lot guy!

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The chart illustrates how many male and female in different age groups doing exercise regularly in Australia in 2010.

The number of Australian men doing physical activity reached a peak at 52.8% in the 15 to 24 age group, and hit a low at 39.5% in the 35 to 44 age group. When men turned 25 to 34 years old, the figures for them witnessed a significant decrease from 52.8% to 42.2%. Then the percentage of men rose gradually to 46.7% at the age of 65.

The figures for Australian women who did regular exercise rose slowly from 47.7% in the 15 to 24 age group, then reached the highest point at 53.5% in the 45 to 54 age group. After that, the percentage of women fell slightly to hit the lowest point at 47.1% when they turned 65 years old.

Generally, there were more Australian women doing regular physical activity than men in 2010. But at the age of 15 to 24, the number of male who did exercise regularly accounted for more 5 percent approximately than female. The percentage of two genders was nearly the same in the 65 and over age group.

Answer 1

Mình xin góp ý chút về grammar thôi nhé!

male và female là dann từ đếm được --> how many males and females

Đổi in different age groups thành in six age categories để tránh lặp lại đề.

Reached a peak at --> reached a peak OF

Hit a low at --> hit a low OF

reached the highest point at --> reached the highest point OF

hit the lowest point at --> hit the lowest point OF

When men turned 25 to 34 years old, the figures for them witnessed a significant decrease from 52.8% to 42.2% --> In the 25 to 34 age group, the figure for male physical activity witnessed a significant decrease from 52.8% to 42.2%

Ngoài ra đối với dạng đề Fixed-time thì bạn nên sử dụng SO SÁNH (so sanh nhất, hơn) thay vì sử dụng những từ ngữ mô tả xu hướng như (decrease, increase,….). Và thường thì mình hay viết Overview (generally,……) lên đoạn Introduction luôn á! Bạn có thể tham khảo thêm bài viết của thầy Simon, thầy có viết một sample cho bài này, bạn có thể đọc để tham khảo nha!