IELTS Task 2-Writing Skills

Question

 

Topic: People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

 

In this contemporary life, people tend to refuse to change their lives. They enjoy following traditionally valued things with which they are familiar. Although there are some benefits of doing this, they are far outweighed by the disadvantages. In this essay, I tackle the problems and recommend several solutions.

The first problem might be the ignorance of the advanced technology. As you might know, in the today modern world, a lot of technical machines have been invented and practiced, which is very helpful for people to solve problems as well as to make life easier. Those who are quite reserved can be in difficulties. For instance, doctors who most of the time use manual methods to treat the patients with dangerous diseases related to lungs or hearts may unintentionally kill them. I think the most obvious solution is to encourage people to join courses on high technologies. By doing this, they can realize the importance of technology.

Another disadvantage is about the difficulty of changing career. Nowadays, a lot of people usually have to “jump” out of their careers to others to meet the expectation of the society. People who are too obstinate can find it hard to adapt to novel environments. In my opinion, one option is for people to learn the “lefty jobs” in addition to their professional ones. Consequently, it is more comfortable for them to “live well” with new situations.

In conclusion, people should be ready for any changes in their lives since there is no guarantee that life will be stable forever. (257 words)

 

Answer 1

The first problem might be the ignorance of the advanced technology --> câu này mình thấy không rõ nghĩa lắm, và nếu bạn dùng cấu trúc bị động thì cũng bị sai nữa.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm not a good writer, but I do have something to share with you about your piece of writing.

 

"They enjoy following traditionally valued things with which they are familiar. Although there are some benefits of doing this, they are far outweighed by the disadvantages."

=> They enjoy following traditonal route with which they've been familiar. ( follow and things is not well-collocated with each other.

"In this essay, I tackle the problems and recommend several solutions." 

=> In this essay, I am going to clarify the problems and recommend several potential solutions.

( Tackle somehow has the same meaning with "recommend solutions" so clarify is a better word choice, I guess.)

"As you might know, in the today modern world, a lot of technical machines have been invented and practiced, which is very helpful for people to solve problems as well as to make life easier"

=> As you might have known, In the/our modern  world nowadays/ these days, a vast number of technical machines have been invented and brought into practice, which is helpful for people to solve problems as well as to make life easier. (  We also can use " today's modern world" instead of " today modern world. And to be more acadmic, we should avoid " a lot of/ many"

 

"Another disadvantage is about the difficulty of changing career" 

=> Another disadvantage is the difficulty IN changing career"

 

Comments

Thanks for your valuable comments!

Answer 3

there are some suggestions which i want to contribute to this essay :

1. "They enjoy following traditionally valued things with which they are familiar"  
>>> it is because they might satisfy with traditional life styles which they feel familiar.
2. "In this essay, I tackle the problems and recommend several solutions"
>>>This essay will analyse the primary problems before i represent some effective measures to handle this situation.

3. The first problem might be the ignorance of the advanced technology
>>> it is no doubt true that rejecting to approach new technology is one of the most striking problem.

4. in the today modern world, a lot of technical machines have been invented and practiced, which is very helpful for people to solve problems as well as to make life easier. Those who are quite reserved can be in difficulties
>>>thanks to the progress of new technology, people in modern life have been provided several facilities which improve their life standards. It will be unwise if people do not take full advantages from teachnological benefits.

5. the most obvious solution
>>> the most practical / possible  solution
6. By doing this
>>> By this way

7. Body 2: it seems to me that your supporting ideas are not really suitable with your topic sentence ^^!. So i suggest the topic sentence and 1 supporting idea >>> Furthermore, job competition is another problem which they must due with. They will lost their job opportunities if they catching up the alternative of market employment.

8.  In my opinion, one option is for people to learn the “lefty jobs” in addition to their professional ones

>>> In my opinion, the Gorvernment should add basicly technological lessons to education systems in order to update people knowledge is an effective measure to takle this problem.
            Note: this is my own opinion, i hope it will help your essay apart or if i have any mistakes, please help me recorrect it ... Cheerful :D
 

Comments

Thank you for sharing your ideas! There are some mistakes in your wrting: They WILL LOSE, not LOST; if they catch, not if they catching.