In recent years there are many sercurity device of tracking application which were used (bạn có thể sửa lại câu như mình rõ ràng hơn) growing trend of companies/ government using our daily used technology to track our activities and whereabouts. I strongly reckon ( từ không phù hợp) From my view that this trend has both benefits and drawbacks which affect (sai từ vựng) effecting on people’s life.
On the one hand, I consider that using those security devices has some distinctive benefits, one of them is that governments use advanced technology such as security camera (tránh diễn đạt lặp từ)as a protective tool for society. Having those installed ( câu thiếu chủ ngữ) these devices were installed in the streets, stores or even ( resident area) in civilian homes. It would reinforce level of safe.(Câu này sai ngữ pháp và diễn đạt không rõ ràng) will ensure their safety as well as belongings. For example, when someone’s home has been broken in by burglars, the installed cameras will record clue about the thief's’ identity, which helps the police to find out the ( từ the đứng sau các danh từ cụ thể) culprits and take back (từ vựng sai) retreat the stolen property as fast as possible. Another benefit is that parents can apply mobile tracking (sai từ vựng)tracking application to their children’s phones in order to protect beloved ones, alerting them when there are unusual behaviour behaviours it can also become a vital role in helping the rescue team when people getting lost or kidnaped.
On the other hand, I would argue that being monitored can affect people lives in serious ways . Firstly, (2 đoạn này nghĩa hiểu không được logic) I believe that none of us would feel comfortable if we know our every activities are is being watched. ( giữa các câu không có liên kết logic) By keeping track of every words we said or typed, our privacy is destroyed; people value their secrets, things that only meant to share between friends or close family members is not for public eyes (mình không hiểu ý của bạn) Secondly, ( bạn thiếu câu main idea) monitoring while people are unconscious or without their consent is an unlawful action. People who are tracking phones of others must be punished. put behind bars as a punishment and consequence due to their criminal act. For instance, there are an increasing numbers of hackers earning money by selling private/sensitive information and personal schedule for demanders, they must be tracked down and imprisoned.
In conclusion, although of course there are some disadvantages in this new approach, I believe that those technology will help authorities manage community more effectively at present.
Các góp ý của mình:
1 Bài của bạn diễn đạt các ý không logic.
2 Bạn nên diễn đạt các ý trong câu ngắn, tránh dùng câu dai dễ sai vào ngữ pháp.
3 Bạn có thể tương tác lại các ý sửa lỗi với mình, để có thể cùng tăng kỹ năng viết writing nhé.