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Question

These days, children spend more and more time on watching TV which lead to a reduction in expenditure on other activities. It's widely believed to be a huge problem because the more children watch TV, the more harmful to their eyes. In addition, that they use less time for other hobbies makes them weaker both physically and mentally. In this essay, some measures will be discussed to solve this matter.

One thing can be done is starting more campaigns about raising the awareness of children about the flaws of spending too much time in front of the screens. When they know that short-sighted, phobias, metal disease,... can come to them anytime, they will pay more attention to alter their habit of watching tv. Another solution is opening more living-skill classes and sportclubs, by that we not only can keep children away from television but also give them a chance to build up their own health-base.

Above all, parents responsibilities are considered as the "game changer". They need to supervise theirs kids thoroughly in order to take timely action before their sons and daughters get to addicted to TV programmes. On the other hand, children should be encouraged to go out and take part in more physical activities. Moreover, parents should lend a hand, always be next to their kids,to motivate them and intepret the benefits of those they are taking. That will gradually affect on their attitude because parents are undoubtedly influential.

In conclusion, excessive amount of time children spend on TV can lead to severe consequences. Sufficient solutions need to be obeyed to make sure that children will develope in the right way.

 

đề bài

children nowadays watch significantly more tv than in the past reducing their activity, why is this a case

what measures can u suggest to encourage higher activities levels among them?

Answer 1

Dear,

your opening part seem a litte bit long compared with paragaphs of body part (they may have same length?). So your essay does not look good.

the topic focus on "why children nowadays watch significantly more TV than in the past" and "whats measues to encourage higher level activities among them". However, in your answer,  you analyze "how bad effect of watching TV". You are completely off topic in 1st para of body part.

I think your grammar is ok.

Here is my essay for your topic. Hope for your feedbacks for our parallel improvement. Tks

Children in mordern society are spending more of his time sitting in fornt of TV compared with in the past. This essay will discuss on the causes and the measures which can be taken to engage children to participate in more meaningful activities.

It is undeniable that TV programs are now so vivid and atractive so that children can not leave their eyes out of screen. In the past, TV only provided the modest amount of time for children’s program while children now have their own channels with broadcasting time upto 24 hours/day. Disney Channel, for example, is the program like that which can make children addictive for its various and appealing contents. The chaging in lifestyle, particularly in major cities is another important factor which results in the ignorance of children about surroundings and turns them into “couch potatoes”. In busy urban areas, children have very few opportunities to contact with their peers in neighborhood, watching TV seem the unique entertaining choice after school.

However, I still believe that children can reduce their timing for TV by encouraging them to join the higher activities. First of all, parents should give some household tasks which are suited to children’s age and ablity; the participation of children in daily activities would not only help they develop their basic skills but also become acknowledge their role and responsibility as a member of family. Secondly, children should be oriented for enjoying other interesting entertainments at home such as reading books or take part in the group games with their brothers/sisters. Lastly, parent can help children register extra class or afterschool activities such as drawing, dancing, karatedo, etc… in order to improve their health and nurse their sould.

In conclusion, the significant watching TV of these day’s children can be understood being resulted from the variety of interesting TV programs and the changing in lifestyle. Neverthless, this problem can be mitigated by encouraging higher activities among them.

Comments

Thank u, i got a little confused of the topic. do you think vocabulary that i used is ok? looking forward to your advises :)