writing about the book

Question

E mới tập viết nên mog mn chỉ bảo!! E thấy trong bài viế e lặp từ khá nhiều và ko có sự liên kết giữa các câu, e ko biết nên sửa sao nên mong mn sửa lại giúp e!! ^_^

Dectective Conan, which is a Japanese comic book, has attracted many people in over the world, particularly young generation. This book is written by Aoyama Gosho

It is a dectective book that tells about Conan anh many causes are broken by him. Conan Edogewa is the name instead of Kudo Shinichi in his shrunken form. He becomes a child after being drunk a pill call APTX 4869 by two members of Black Organizatio. The pill makes his body look like a child of six years old. Althuogh Shinichi' s appearance is a child, His memories and dectective ability are unchanged. And then he started looking for Black Organization since then on because he wants to get his body before. To do so he plans to make the dectective Mori become famous in hopes of  attracting causes related to Black Organization

This book is appropriate for me. It brings me lots of knowledge. And I really relax when  I read it. It not only develops my brain but also help me have a good memory.

Answer 1

1. has attracted many people in all over the world

2. that tells (write is an alternative!) about Conan anh (and) many causes are broken by him 

3. being drunk a pill call (called) APTX 4869

4. And then he started (starts) looking for

5. his body before -> his former body

6. helps me have

 

Về ngữ pháp mình sửa được nhiêu đây thôi à, còn nhìn chung bạn cần học thêm 1 vài collocation và những cấu trúc advanced hơn nhé. Chúc bạn 1 ngày tốt lành, và, đừng quên nhận xét bài cho mình theo link sau nhé!

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/4725/de-ielts-writing-task-2-discussion-essay#a4730

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/4699/de-thi-ielts-task-2-drawbacks-of-technology#a4701