Writing- Double line graph description- HCM

Question

 

This graph shows the number of people who had Hikikomori in Japan and Tokyo from 1980 to 2010. The number of Hikikomoris in Tokyo and Osaka increased moderately and decreased slightly respectively, despite a large trough in the middle in both cities.

The number of people who had Hilihomori in Tokyo began at 100 thousand people in 1980, then continued to rise to approximately 120 thousand Hikikomoris in 1985. Thoughout the next 5 years, there was a consistent decline in the number of people who had Hikikomoris in Japan. Between 1990 and 2005, the number of Hikikomoris grew substantially by 60 thousand people before finally falling slowly to finish at about 130 thousand Hikikomoris in 2010.

In contrast, the number of Hikikomoris in Osaka started at just below 80 thousand, which had four fifth less than the number of Hikikomoris. The following 10 year, there was a dramatic reduce in the number of Hikikomoris from 100 thousand to a significant trough of nearly 10 thousand in 1995. There was a big gap compare with the number of Hikikomoris in Japan for the same time. From 1995 to 2000, the number of Hikikomoris in Osaka climbed rapidly to almost 90 thousand before decreasing moderately to finish at roughly 70 thousand Hikikomoris in 2010, which was a half less than the number of people who had Hikikomori in Japan. It is clear to see that, there was small difference in the number of Hikikomoris in both cities at the beginning, but the number of Hikikomoris in Japan finished with much higher thousand people than in Osaka.

Answer 1

theo cá nhân tớ, bài viết này khá ổn, các ý rõ ràng, dễ hiểu
chỉ riếng câu cuối : "It is clear to see that, there was small difference in the number of Hikikomoris in both cities at the beginning, but the number of Hikikomoris in Japan finished with much higher thousand people than in Osaka."

tớ nghĩ là bị thiếu mạo từ...nên sửa là: "It is clear to see that, there was a small difference in the number of Hikikomoris in both cities at the beginning, but the number of Hikikomoris in Japan finished with much higher thousand people than in Osaka."
đây là ý kiến cá nhân tớ...có gì sai mong bỏ qua ha...