IELTS Task 2 Air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution and airport construction

Question

Nowaday, travel by plane is one of transportation methods. It is so popular due to fast. Many ideas said that political practice should increase air traffic price to reduce noise, poisonous air and airport infrastructure. But I do not agree this statement. Because the low air ticket helps people easily and saving for business, travelling. Besides that, the smooth transit support development for all nations over the world.
While it may hold true, that many people support idea to apply higher taxing for air traffic. Illustrated by Vietnamnet newspaper, some experts suggest to increasing strictly for this vehicle. Because, it is easier to control effecting to environment and adding more budget for government.
First, businessman is very busy. So, they can reduce time and cost for their work by using airplane. Maybe, in the morning they attend conference in local country, but in afteroon they can hold other meeting in oversea country. Besides that, today many people like travelling to relax as well as widen their knowledge of neighbour country. Therefore, with low ticket it contribute to attract tourist. A real example is my uncle. He like journey so much. And, he hunts cheap ticket on the internet. That a reason why he went to many countries with only low price.
Second, the tendency of world is globalization. So, air plane is a very important method to connect among countries together. It is more convient to deliver goods, tranfer technology for mutual development.
To sum up, air traffic is a major transportation. So, the price of it will be influence boost of economy. For this reason, government should keep reasonable price in the future.

Answer 1

Chào bạn,

Mình cũng chỉ mới bắt đầu luyện viết nên mình không dám chỉnh sửa các lỗi của bạn. Mình chỉ co góp ý khi đọc bài viết của bạn là:

1. Bạn còn các câu văn ngắn

--> theo mình, bạn có thể ghép 2 câu với nhau lại thành một cho nó dài hơn. VD như các câu có because, so bạn có thể viết liền luôn, vì bc là liên từ dùng để nối 2 câu lại với nhau.

2. besides that là không đúng nhá bạn. beside that hoặc là besides.

3. thay vì từ "so" để liên kết câu  bạn có thể dùng các từ khác như: therefore/ hence/ thus.. further more/ moreover/ In addition/ in this reason.

Hi vọng những góp ý có thể bổ ích cho bạn. :D

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