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Some people think animal protection is not important to human society because they serve no use. Do you agree or disagree?

OVER the past few decades, economies have developed in leaps and bounds. Some adopt a view that, this development has environmental costs and they are acceptable and insurmountable; as far as I am concerned human should take proactive actions to address consequences, typically efforts in the preservation of endangered animals.

FIRSTLY, it is important to recognize that creatures have instrumental role to the well-being of human society. Invisible as they are, influences of ecosystems on our life are extremely profound. What is in store for us in the future, if certain animals are subject to dying out, could be accumulative impacts on humanity. For example, it has been predicted that the potential extinction of whale may result in disorder in fishing villages around the world. The ignorance of animal’s influences on the stability, wealthy of our community is a grave mistake.

SECONDLY, animal protection is of meaning full outcomes to education. Only when students and citizens have responsibility for society and environment, can the educators generate good citizens. The lessons about environment of preservation is a stepping-stone for moral development of children. A good case in this point is educational system in European countries, in which students at young age are educated to show love to wild animals, environment. Notwithstanding their importance, government and citizen should have precautions when it comes to animal preservation. More often than not these projects require loud budgets and collection of the authorities. Therefore, they are expensive and effort-consuming. Other social aspects such as education, medical system may be subject to budget deficiency which is having not enough money to finance.

IN CONCLUSION, protecting animals which are on the verge of extinction is essential. It not only ensures the well-being of human society also partly contributes to children education. However, every gardens has its weeds, people should have further considerations on these above mentioned problems.

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OVER the past few decades, economies have developed in leaps and bounds. Some adopt a view that, this development has environmental costs and they are acceptable and insurmountable (I don't quite understand what you wanted to imply); as far as I am concerned, human should take proactive actions (take a proactive approach/ stance) to address consequences, typically efforts (by taking part/partaking) in the preservation of endangered animals.

FIRSTLY, it is important to recognize that creatures have instrumental role to (correct: in) the well-being of human society. Invisible as they are, influences of ecosystems on our life are extremely profound (correct: very/most profound). What is in store for us in the future, if certain animals are subject to dying out, could be accumulative impacts on humanity. For example, it has been predicted that the potential extinction of whales may result in disorder in fishing villages around the world. The ignorance of animal’s influences on the stability, wealthy of our community is a grave mistake.

SECONDLY, animal protection is of meaning full (correct: meaningful) outcomes to education. Only when students and citizens have responsibility for society and environment, can the educators generate good citizens. The lessons about environment of preservation is a stepping-stone for moral development of children. A good case in this point is the educational system in European countries, in which students at young age are educated to show love to wild animals, and the environment. Notwithstanding their importance, government and citizen should have (correct: take) precautions when it comes to animal preservation. More often than not these projects require loud budgets and collection of the authorities. Therefore, they are expensive and effort-consuming. Other social aspects such as education, medical system may be subject to budget deficiency which is having not enough money to finance (if you want to explain this term, you could say :[..], a state of having insufficient funds; but I don't think it'd be necessary)

IN CONCLUSION, protecting animals which are on the verge of extinction is essential. It not only ensures the well-being of human society but also partly contributes to children education. However, every gardens has its weeds, people should have further considerations on (take into further consideration) these above(-)mentioned problems.

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Pros:

+ Attempt at using diverse vocabulary and structures

Cons:

+ Ambiguity in expression

+ Frequent errors, belonging to categories such as: collocation, sometimes spelling, vocabulary and grammar

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Although your ideas are probably valuable, you should try to present them more clearly- by using more simple words and constructions, especially when you have not totally mastered the more difficult ones. The primary goal is to fully transmit your ideas. Once you are able to do it, you can work on the remaining aspects of your writing.

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Je vous merci! Merci beaucoup!

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