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Nowadays, people prefer living in large cities to living in small communities because of the benefits it had brought to them. In the past, there were advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community.

I believe there were three main advantages. Firstly, because they lived in a small area, everyone knew everyone well. They had good relationship between each other. Therefore, when you had problems, they would help you. Secondly, cars in a small region were not as many as in a big city so that would be less traffic accidents. Children could play safely on the street. Finally, the limitation of population made people unwilling to do crimes. Because of this, you may not have to worried about murderers.

I think the biggest disadvantage is about the facilities. For example, a big city could provide better hospitals, schools or jobs to its residents. In a small village, it was hard to find a well-paid job. Because schools in some small villages did not have enough equipment. Therefore, children could not earn as much knowledge as children lived in big cities. Besides, because people lived in a small region, they could not hide anything to their neighbors. The neighbors would know everything about you and you were not able to have a private life, it was very uncomfortable.

After reviewing the advantages and disadvantages, I prefer the advantages to the disadvantages of living in a small community.
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Nowadays, people prefer living in large cities to living in small communities because of the benefits it had brought to them. In the past, there were advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community.

I believe On the one hand, villages have their own advantages. there were three main advantages. Firstly, because they lived in a small area, everyone knew everyone well. They had good relationship between each other. Therefore, when you had problems, they would help you. Secondly, cars vehicles in a small region rural areas were not as many as in a big city so that there would be less traffic accidents. Children could play safely on the street. Finally, the limitation of population made people unwilling to do crimes. Because of this, you they may not have to worried about murderers.

I think On the other hand, the countrysides also has some disadvantages. The biggest disadvantage is about the facilities. For example, a big city could provide better hospitals, schools or jobs to its residents dwellers. In a small village, it was hard for people to find a well-paid job. Because schools in some small villages did not have enough equipment were not equiped with good facilities. Therefore, it was impossible for children to could not earn accumulate as much knowledge as children lived in big cities. Besides, because Now that people lived in a small region, they could not hide anything to their neighbors. The neighbors nearby residents would know everything about you them and you they were not able to have a private life, it was very uncomfortable.

After reviewing the advantages and disadvantages, I prefer the advantages to the disadvantages of living in a small community.

- thứ nhất, bạn dùng khá nhiều ngôi "I", "you" trong bài luận mặc dù Ielts writing không được dùng những ngôi này (trừ khi đưa ra ví dụ)

- thứ hai, bài luận của bạn không có nhiều từ và cụm từ hay, cấu trúc cũng khá đơn giản nên nó có vẻ giống 1 bài nói hơn là bài viết (nếu bài này đem đi nói thì sẽ ok hơn)

- thứ ba, lặp từ quá nhiều. Bạn nên tham khảo những từ đồng nghĩa, dùng cụm danh-động từ để bài viết được hay hơn. (về từ đồng nghĩa thì nên tham khảo page https://www.thesaurus.com/ )

- thứ tư, các main ideas cần có thêm support ideas. Hầu như bạn chỉ nêu ra main ideas và ví dụ chứ không có support ideas.

- thứ năm, các ý ở phần disadvantages không được rõ ràng lắm. Bạn nên chia các ý rõ ràng hơn, nói xong ý này rồi mới sang ý kia. Tuy nhiên phần advantages lại rất rõ ràng, các ý cũng được nhưng cần thêm nhiều support ideas hơn (ở trên mình cũng đã nói rồi)

 

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Cám ơn bạn rất nhiều nhé! Mình sẽ cố gắng khắc phục các lỗi.

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