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It is true that historical sites attract tourists from many parts of the world while local inhabitants tend to ignore them. This essay will discuss the reasons why this is happening and provide some practical solutions to improve this issue.

      There are two primary reasons why foreigners on vacation pay more attention to museums and historical relics than local residents. One reason is that foreign tourists who come to visit a country want to know more about history and stories of that land because of their curiosity. For example, when foreign visitors come to Ho Chi Minh city, they want to visit Cu Chi tunnels to clearly understand how soldiers could live and fight in a such dark and cramped condition (including hospitals, accommodations, kitchens, and meeting rooms) during the Viet Nam war. Furthermore, the local born and grew up there acquainting with images, artifacts and historical culture relics of their hometown. There is nothing new for local people to discover.

There are several actions that could be taken to attract more people living in the area to come to museums and historical relics. Firstly, government should let all the local residents visit for. Secondly, the revenue from ticket sales need to to be put in a fund to refurbish and maintain all items. Then they might be is able to serve tourists better. In addition, combining cultural events and exhibitions in these places might provide local inhabitants who visit them with new experiences. For example, Ho Chi Minh city’s war remnants museum is always available free of charge for pupils. This allows them to visit and enhance their knowledges about historical figures in the anti-invader tradition.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons why many museums and historical sites are primarily visited by tourists but not local people, and steps needs to be taken to attract more local dwellers to visit these locations.

 

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Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/CORRECTED_Many-museums-and-historical-sites-are-mainly-visited-by-tourists-but-not-local-people..docx


Overall, your essay is ok. To improve, you should use more grammar structures and vocabulary to avoid some repeating words. But the most important thing is that you should spend more time planning your ideas.
Please read my comments carefully.


 

CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

Task Achievement

       6.5

• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be
more fully covered than others
• presents a relevant position although the conclusions may
become unclear or repetitive
• presents relevant main ideas but some may be
inadequately developed/unclear

Coherence and Cohesion

6.0

• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a
clear overall progression
• uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within
and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
• may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
• uses paragraphing, but not always logically

Lexical Resource

7.0

• uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
• uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
• may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0

• uses a variety of complex structures
• produces frequent error-free sentences
• has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

Overall

       6.5

Overall, your essay is ok. To improve, you should use more grammar structures and vocabulary to avoid some repeating words. But the most important thing is that you should spend more time planning your ideas. Please read my comments carefully.

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (241 điểm)
0 phiếu

bài cũng ổn nhưng góp ý tí đoạn 2: nếu đã có firstly thì nên có secondly, thirdly,..., finally 

Then they might be is able to serve chỗ này nên xóa đi thì hơn

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (161 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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