ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới

Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và BAN tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

2.9k Bài viết

4k Góp ý

2.3k bình luận

101k thành viên

Every day, millions of tons of food are wasted all over the world. Why do you think this is happening? And how can we solve this problem?

In recent decades, it is not an exaggeration to say that food waste is one of the biggest problems facing mankind. Given that this issue has the potential for significant environmental impacts, identifying the reasons is key to finding solutions.

There are various reasons why food is being wasted in manifold areas of the world. In developed countries, most loss occurs at the consumption stage when people either cook too much or do not use the food in time. Since food is abundant for citizens living in industrialized nations and they do not know how to use leftovers, they just simply dispose of them which results in food waste. Meanwhile, production processes are stages that mainly contribute to food waste in developing countries. Due to lack of modern technical devices in harvesting as well as storage and cooling, fresh foods could be expired quickly and no longer edible or free of hazards and food waste will often happen as a consequence.

Nevertheless, there are also a myriad of measures to mitigate this trend. First, raising awareness among people particularly in medium- and high-income countries is a useful solution to decrease the amount of losses and waste. For example, by using mainstream media, authorities can broadcast the benefits of saving food, especially for family's finances as well as for the good behavior of society, which could attract a great deal of audience's attention for this issue. Second, a strengthening of supply chain would help to reduce the amount of food waste, particularly in low-income countries. This focus should be on supporting farmers, investing in infrastructure, transportation and packaging industry so as to keep fresh foods last longer before they could be delivered to customer.

In conclusion, even though food waste seems inevitable in today's world, there are various way to improve this problem. Both developed and developing nations should take steps immediately before it is socially unacceptable to waste food.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Problem-Solution bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu

In recent decades, it is not an exaggeration to say [NN1] that food waste is one of the biggest problems facing mankind[NN2] . Given that this issue has the potential for significant environmental impacts, identifying the reasons is key to finding solutions[NN3] .

There are various reasons why food is being wasted in manifold areas of the world. In developed countries, most loss [NN4] occurs at the consumption stage when people either cook too much or do not use the food in time. Since food is abundant for citizens living in industrialized nations and they do not know how to use leftovers, they just simply dispose of them which results in food waste.[NN5]  Meanwhile, production processes are stages that mainly contribute to food waste in developing countries. Due to lack of modern technical devices in harvesting as well as storage and cooling, fresh foods could be expired quickly and no longer edible or free of hazards and food waste will often happen as a consequence.[NN6]

Nevertheless, there are also a myriad of measures to mitigate this trend. First, raising awareness among people particularly in medium- and high-income countries is a useful [NN7] solution to decrease the amount of losses and waste[NN8] . For example, by using mainstream media, authorities can broadcast the benefits of saving food, especially for family's finances as well as for the good behavior of society, which could attract a great deal of audience's attention for[NN9]  this issue. Second, a strengthening of supply chain [NN10] would help to reduce the amount of food waste, particularly in low-income countries. This focus should be on supporting farmers, investing in infrastructure, transportation and packaging industry so as to keep fresh foods last longer[NN11]  before they could be delivered [NN12] to customer.

In conclusion, even though food waste seems inevitable in today's world, there are various way [NN13] to improve[NN14]  this problem. Both developed and developing nations should take steps immediately before it is socially unacceptable to waste foo


 [NN1]Idea suggestion: your sentence is still Okay but it is more appropriate in speaking

=> it is the fact that/ it is undeniable that

 [NN2]Grammar error: that we have to deal with

 [NN3]Idea suggestion: This essay will discuss about?
“ the reasons for this problem and propose some solutions to mitigate it.

 [NN4]Inappropriate vocabulary: a high percentage of food wasted

 [NN5]Idea suggestion: your idea is actually hard to understand

=> these extra foods are treated as wastage

 [NN6]Idea suggestion: the way you develop the idea actually makes me so confused

=> another reason is actually the lack of modern devices in the process of storing food. In other words, if food is not stored in an appropriate way, it can easily be spoiled and consequently it will be thrown away.

 [NN7]Vocabulary suggestion: a feasible

 [NN8]Inappropriate vocabulary: the word “losses” is inappropriate in this situation and in the whole essay

=> the amount of food waste

 [NN9]Inappropriate vocabulary: regarding

 [NN10]Inappropriate vocabulary: an improvement in storage process and

 [NN11]Idea suggestion: For instance, by supporting……, food can last longer before….

 [NN12]Idea suggestion: before delivering to customers

 [NN13]Grammar error: ways

 [NN14]Inappropriate vocabulary: to solve/ to address


CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

Task Achivement

        6.0

• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

• presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

• presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

Coherence and Cohension

6.5

• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression

• may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

• uses paragraphing, but not always logically

Lexical Resource

6.0

• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

• makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0

• uses a variety of complex structures
• makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

Overall

       6.0

Overall, your essay is fine. You should read more task 2 writing instructions, gain more vocabulary related to IELTS topics and consistently practice writing.

 

You have great potential, be more careful next time.

                                                                                          

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (238 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)

Tham khảo các bài viết tương tự

1 góp ý
đã hỏi 26 Tháng 3, 2018 trong Problem-Solution bởi dinhthanh (13 điểm)
3 Góp ý
1 góp ý
...