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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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Thank you so much for reading my essay. I would appreciate any constructive comments and if possible, a score would also help. So here it is:

Obesity has become a topic of concerns in many societies, which underlies several risks of people’s health. In my opinion, the modern lifestyle should be blamed for this health’s problem and I will address some solutions in this essay.

Societally popular diet and lack of regularly physical exercises are two main perpetrators of obesity. People, nowadays, tend to be attracted to unhealthy and high-calorie foods thanks to frequent advertising on social media. Carbohydrates in these types of foods, if excessively consumed overtaking the needs of the body’s daily energy, will be stored as metabolized fat, gradually causing obesity. Additionally, with technology’s advancement, people live so much conveniently that they do not have to exert to do any tasks. They seem to be fully engaged in a sedentary lifestyle where they could obtain anything by online purchase.

To reduce the obesity rates, damaging citizen’s fitness, the authorities should implement some policies. They need to build more exercising facilities which grant free access to the citizens in line with enthusing people’s training spririt by televised fitness instructing programs. For example, they could produce programs that teach yoga or cardio exercises broadcasted continuously. Another plausible solution is that imposing a high tax on internet connection’s fees to limit the use of people. As long as the time using the internet individually declines, one would pay much attention to physical activities rather than sitting for a long stretch of time.

To conclude, under my perspective, obesity must be treated as a disease which might bring harms to citizens’ well-being in long term because of the modern lifestyle. Some solutions can be done to cure this disease, which may include free training facilities, televised fitness programs or high price of internet connection.
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Obesity has become a topic of concerns in many societies, which underlies several risks of people’s health. In my opinion, the modern lifestyle should be blamed for this health’s problem and I will address some solutions in this essay.

Societally popular diet and lack of regularly => regular physical exercises are two main perpetrators of obesity. People, nowadays, tend to be attracted to unhealthy and high-calorie foods thanks to frequent advertising on social media. Carbohydrates in these types of foods, if excessively consumed overtaking the needs of the body’s daily energy, will be stored as metabolized fat, gradually causing obesity. Additionally, with technology’s advancement, people live so much conveniently that they do not have to exert to do any tasks. They seem to be fully engaged in a sedentary lifestyle where they could obtain anything by online purchase.

To reduce the obesity rates, damaging citizen’s fitness, the authorities should implement some policies. They need to build more exercising facilities which grant free access to the citizens in line with enthusing people’s training spririt => spirit (spelling mistake)by televised fitness instructing programs. For example, they could produce programs that teach yoga or cardio exercises broadcasted continuously. Another plausible solution is that imposing a high tax on internet connection’s fees to limit the use of people. As long as the time using the internet individually declines, one would pay much attention to physical activities rather than sitting for a long stretch of time.

To conclude, under my perspective, obesity must be treated as a disease which might bring harms to citizens’ well-being in long term because of the modern lifestyle. Some solutions can be done to cure this disease, which may include free training facilities, televised fitness programs or high price of internet connection

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (13 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)

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