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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
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Modern way of life is improving and getting better. Therefore, people these days face less risk than they did in the past and their avarage life span is increasing as well. In this essay, some problems that cause for both individuals and society will be discussed before coming to some solutions.

 

    The first problem is that the number of people who receive pension is currently increasing whereas national budget is limited. This is a huge obstacle for developing countries like Vietnam. When the number of the old aged rise, not only does the budget that the government must provide for them grow, but the need for housing and land will also be much higher. Moreover, young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives, which also means the demand for properties and medical care will rise. The last matter shouldn't be neglected is the lack of labour source. Because the ageing population, nowadays, has created enormous financial burden, we have to face up to the lack of young labourers who is the main labour force of the country.

However, the government could take some steps to mitigate this problem by raising the retirement age from 55-60 years old up to 60-65 years old. People from this age tend to be active and productive to continue working. Another suggestion should be implemented is allowing young people from other countries to immigrate. This will reduce the ageing population and the young workforce will be augmented.

 

In conclusion, both individuals and community need to join hands to decrease the impact of ageing population for a better life.
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The modern way of life is being improved and getting better. Therefore, people these days face less risk than they did in the past and their average life span is increasing as well. In this essay, some problems that cause for both individuals and society will be discussed before coming to some solutions.

 

    The first problem is that the number of people who receive pension is currently increasing whereas the national budget is limited. This is a huge obstacle for developing countries like Vietnam. When the number of the old aged rise, not only does the budget that the government must provide for them grow, but the need for housing and land will also be much higher. Moreover, young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives, which also means the demand for properties and medical care will rise. The last matter shouldn't be neglected is the lack of a labour source. Because of the aging population, nowadays, has created an enormous financial burden, we have to face up to the lack of young labourers who is the main labour force of the country.

However, the government could take some steps to mitigate this problem by raising the retirement age from 55-60 years old up to 60-65 years old. People from this age tend to be active and productive to continue working. Another suggestion should be implemented is allowing young people from other countries to immigrate. This will reduce the aging population and the young workforce will be augmented.

 

In conclusion, both individuals and community need to join hands to decrease the impact of aging population for a better life.
 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (34 điểm)
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The modern way of life is being improved and getting better. Therefore, people these days face less risk than they did in the past and their average life span is increasing as well. In this essay, some problems that cause for both individuals and society will be discussed before coming to some solutions.

 

    The first problem is that the number of people who receive pension is currently increasing whereas national budget is limited. (T nghĩ trước câu này c nên thêm 1 câu topic sent như As more people can live longer than ever before, there will obviously some negative consequences) This is a huge obstacle for several developing countries like Vietnam. When the number of the old aged rise, not only does the budget that the government must provide for them grow, but the need for housing and land will also be much higher. Moreover, young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives, which also means the demand for properties and medical care will rise. The last matter shouldn't be neglected is the lack of labour source. Because of the ageing population, nowadays (Từ này t thấy có tài liệu khuyên là không được sử dụng trong writting nhiều mà thay vào đó mình thường sử dụng In recent days or in these days), has created enormous financial burden, we have to face up to the lack of young labourers who is the main labour force of the country. ( Câu này hình như bị thiếu chủ ngữ c ạ, mình có thể viết là " In other words, the ageing population may lead to the enormous financial burden which means the lack of young laboures in societies.)

However, the government could take some steps to mitigate this problem by raising the retirement age from 55-60 years old up to 60-65 years old. People from this age tend to be active and productive to continue working. Another suggestion should be implemented is allowing young people from other countries to immigrate. This will reduce the ageing population and the young workforce will be augmented.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
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The modern way of life is improving => being improved and getting better. Therefore, people these days face less risk than they did in the past and their avarage  => average life span is increasing as well. In this essay, some problems that cause for both individuals and society will be discussed before coming to some solutions.

The first problem is that the number of people who receive pension is currently increasing whereas the national budget is limited. This is a huge obstacle for developing countries like Vietnam. When the number of the old aged (mình nghĩ nên bỏ luôn từ này, the old bản thân đã mang nghĩa là người già) rise, not only does the budget that the government must provide for them grow, but the need for housing and land will also be much higher. Moreover, young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives, which also means the demand for properties and medical care will rise. The last matter shouldn't be neglected is the lack of labour source. Because the ageing population, nowadays, has created enormous financial burden, we have to face up to the lack of young labourers who is the main labour force of the country. (Chỗ này mình nghĩ nên bỏ nowadays và đừng dùng dấu phẩy để ngắt để tránh gây nhầm lẫn)

However, the government could take some steps to mitigate this problem by raising the retirement age from 55-60 years old up to 60-65 years old. People from (mình nghĩ chỗ này là at) this age tend to be active and productive to continue working. Another suggestion should be implemented is allowing (cái này nên là to allow) young people from other countries to immigrate. This will reduce the ageing => aging population and the young workforce will be augmented.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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