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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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Most of people would agree that there is a tendency of rising average weight in the population while health situation is becoming worse, particularly in some developed nations. This essay will discuss a variety of reasons as well as measures associated with such these phenomena.

 

There are various factors accounting for increasing people's average weight and decreasing their health and fitness. The most noticeable reason could be that more and more people, nowadays, tend to consume a lot of fast foods which are rich in fats, proteins and carbohydrates. What I want to emphasize is that those foods might lead to excess calories in consumers' body. Another contributory may be that people do not do physical exercises regularly due to insufficient free time, a situation that becomes more and more popular in our active society today.  In fact, in modern world, people have to work very hard to afford for their daily expense which increases day by day. Last but not least, eating too much nutritious foods could also lead to health problems. Many nutritionists have recently revealed that too much protein intake could cause liver and heart problems as well as weight gain.

Although these problems have caused a great threat to public health in many areas over the world, it can be tackled if these measures are taken cautiously. One of the best approaches is that governments do should develop favorable conditions for the citizens to participate in physical activities. For example, sport centers and parks should be investigated with abundant facilities so that people can easily access available places and tools to do exercises. Another approach is that governments can also run campaigns to encourage people to be less dependent on fast foods.  Instead of eating the fast foods in restaurants, people could prepare home cooked meals which might be more balanced in nutrient. It is well-documented that balanced diets can protect the human body against certain types of diseases, particularly noncommunicable diseases such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.

 

By way of conclusion, there are numerous factors which should be blamed for such the problems. Apparently, we all have a responsibility to look after our health. I am convinced that governments and individuals should do a lot to improve the situation. It is sensible that the responsibility rests with both equally.
Rating: 4.90
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Most of people would agree that there is a tendency of rising average weight in the population while health situation check collocationis becoming worse, particularly in some developed nations. This essay will discuss a variety of reasons as well as measures associated with such these phenomena.

 

There are various factors accounting for increasing people's average weight and decreasing  the level of their health and fitness. The most noticeable reason could be that more and more people, nowadays, tend to consume a lot of fast foods which are rich high in fats, proteins and carbohydrates. What I want to emphasize is that those foods might lead to excess calories in consumers' body. Another contributory may be that đừng nên viết bằng cách dịchpeople do not do physical exercises regularly due to insufficient free time, a situation that becomes more and more popular in our active society today.  In fact, in modern world, people have to work very hard to afford for their daily expense which increases day by day. Last but not least, eating too much nutritious foods could also lead to health problems. Many nutritionists  dietician have recently revealed that too much protein intake could cause liver and heart problems as well as weight gain.

Although these problems have caused a great threat to public health in many areas over the world, it  these can be tackled if these measures are taken cautiously. One of the best approaches is that governments do should develop favorable check collocationconditions for the citizens to participate in physical activities. For example, sport centers and parks should be investigated with abundant facilities so that people can easily access available places and tools to do exercises. Another approach is that governments can also run campaigns to encourage people to be less dependent on fast foods.  Instead of eating the fast foods in restaurants, people could prepare home cooked meals which might be more balanced in nutrient. It is well-documented that balanced diets can protect the human body against certain types of diseases, particularly noncommunicable diseases such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.

 

By way of conclusion, there are numerous factors which should be blamed for such the problems. Apparently, we all have a responsibility to look after our health. I am convinced that governments and individuals should do a lot to improve the situation. It is sensible that the responsibility rests with both equally.

bài này theo mình nghĩ là well-organized, lexical cohesion nhưng bạn cần nắm vững collcation của từ.ở trên chỉ là một số góp ý thôi, nhưng mình cũng đã kiểm tra kĩ càng rồi, những chỗ mình sửa là đúng hết. Mình vừa kiểm tra mà cũng vừa học viết luôn. 

Chúc bạn thành công 

 

Rating: 4.40
đã góp ý bởi (20 điểm)
Ok! về chủ đề mình đề nghị nói theo  mấy cái bài test trong cambridge. Bắt đầu từ cambridge 9 trước nghe!
Ok! Con thoi gian chinh xac thi sao?
Vậy ngày mai sẽ bắt đầu nghe! buổi đầu tiên mình sẽ tập nói bài test 1 speaking của cambridge 9 nghe! bắt đầu vào 2h chiều!. Như ậy có ok không?
0 phiếu

tớ thấy hình như có một số vẫn bị dịch kiểu word by word ý và về collcation nhé

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (124 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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