IELTS TASK 1 - MIXED - Em sắp thi, a/c nào fix lỗi với cho band giúp e với ạ :)

Question

Hi các bạn, nhờ các bạn fix lỗi giúp mình, nếu có thể cho mình biết band điểm có thể cho bài viết này với ạ, cảm ơn cả nhà :)

The charts below give the information about the way in which water was used in different countries in 2000.

 

            

The two charts compares the allocation of water consumption to three different sectors, namely agriculture, household and industry in four countries in 2000.

Looking at the graph, it’s immediately obvious that agriculture registered the highest proportion of global water use. Besides, most of the quantity of  water  used  for agriculture went for China and India.

It can be clear that in that year, agriculture  accounted for about 70%  of total world water consumption while the amount of water used for industrial activities was only a third of this figure. The smallest allocation went for residential use at roughly 8%.

China and India were two nations where the water use for farming was higher than that for domestic and industry. The figures for this were around 69% in China and just over 90% in India. An opposite distribution is seen in New Zealand and Canada ,where the portion for agricultural activities was only nearly 44% and 10% , respectively while industry accounted for the largest percentage of water consumed in Canada, at approximately 80%.

(175 words)

Answer 1

Câu đầu là "compare" nha bạn.

most of the quantity of  water "was" used  for agriculture went for China and India.

China and India were two nations where the water "was" use for farming

Bài viết sẽ hay hơn nếu bạn có thêm một đoạn nhỏ kết luận lại.

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6220/ielts-task-1-mixed-em-sap-thi-a-c-nao-fix-loi-voi-cho-band-giup-e-voi-a

Answer 2

griculture accounted for about 70% of total world water consumption while the amount of water u...

You seem to be missing an article in front of the noun phrase "total world water". Add an article: ''70% of the total world water''.

se for farming was higher than that for domestic and industry. The figures for this were...

he article is missing before the noun: ''a domestic', 'the domestic''. (ART015)

bạn có thể tham khảo thêm nhiều trang web sửa bài viết ở http://blogcuocsong.vblog24.com/

 

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6220/ielts-task-1-mixed-em-sap-thi-a-c-nao-fix-loi-voi-cho-band-giup-e-voi-a