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TOPIC task 2 của tuần này update ngày 11/07/2015 :

Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and to look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

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Have fun !

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Rating: 6.70
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8 góp ý

0 phiếu
In several years recently, one of the burning issues that have raised growing concerns from many people living in today's society is effect of advertising. This leads to people losing their different styles. From my perspective, I partly disagree with this statement because of some reasons.

We cannot deny that the advertising play an important role in our life and it brings some changes in thoughts of consumers. First of all, Almost of the advertisers persuade people to buy their products because these items are the best and the most necessary. By the time, consumers believe that these products are really useful for them while they do not care about how it will be suitable in their living. Secondly, many people claim that the products, which is advertised in TV, Internet, billboards, are the newest trend in the world. Thus, people use products advertised to become a modern people and fashionable.

However, the point of view of people is not completely depend on the effect of advertising. First, although we watch many advertising every day, the last decision buying something belongs to us. We can consider whether it is suitable or not before booking. Second, consumers in the present have become smarter in consumption. They always find clearly information of products they want to buy. Therefore, advertisement is only one of the factors to support for their choice.
In conclusion, even though the effect of advertising increases significantly, the consumption of people are still difficult to be affected completely. Instead of attracting buyers by advertising, Companies should improve quality of their products.
Rating: 5.01
đã góp ý bởi (31 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi

In several years recently, one of the burning issues that have/has raised growing concerns from many people living in today's society is the effect of advertising (unnecessary long sentence). This leads to people losing their different styles (it is hard to understand what you mean). From my perspective, I partly disagree with this statement because of some reasons.

We cannot deny that the advertising plays an important role in our life, and it brings some changes in thoughts of consumers (it s hard to understand) / changes people ‘s thoughts. First of all, Almost of the advertisers persuade people to buy their products because/ by convincing them that these items are the best and the most necessary. By the time/As a result, consumers believe that these products are really useful for them, while and they do not care about/ fail to consider how it will be suitable in their living/whether or not they have practical purposes. Secondly, many people claim that the products, which is / are advertised in/on TV, Internet, billboards, are the newest trend in the world (it is hard to understand your point). Thus, people use products advertised to become a modern people and fashionable.

However, the point of view of people’s opinions is do not completely depend on the effect of advertising. First, although we watch many advertising every day, the last final decision to buying something belongs to us. We can consider whether it is suitable or not before booking/buying. Second, consumers in the present have become smarter in consumption/ making decisions. They always find clearly information of products they want to buy. Therefore, advertisement is only one of the factors to support for their choice.
In conclusion, even though the effect of advertising increases significantly (you cant say the effect increases) , the consumption of people ? are still difficult to be affected completely/although the effects of advertising are obvious, I believe that some consumers can still make their own decisions . Instead of attracting buyers by advertising, companies should improve quality of their products good sentence.

I apologize if you find that these comments are too harsh.

You have some good sentences, but many of your sentences are difficult to make sense out of. Thus, even though you do have some good ideas, your task response is poor. There are some good vocabularies, however, in some occasions, you appear to not knowing how to use them (eg: consumption).

Recommendation

·         Read and reread your mistakes and avoid making them in the future.

·         Check your grammar

·         Make sure that you know how to use the words before using it. 

·         Simplify your sentences. At the moment, you write a lot of unnecessary long sentences.

·         Read lots. It will get to the point that you will develop a 6th sense “hummm, this doesn’t sound right, I better check” .

·         Keep practicing

 

Ah mình sửa bạn một tí: the advertising play an important... "play" thiếu "s" :)

cam on ban :)
cám ơn bạn nhiều, mình mới tự học được 1 thời gian ngắn thôi, sẽ cố gắng nhiều hơn nữa ^^
0 phiếu
Some people argue that advertising demotivates the uniqueness of individuals by making people want the same products and appearance. I strongly disagree with this viewpoint because of several reasons.

On the one hand, advertising may arguably have some impacts in people’s preferences. Firstly, advertisements from well-known brands are likely to encourage consumers to buy their products because of their long-established reputation. This may lead to many people purchasing the same products, which makes them have identical favour over certain goods and items. Secondly, young people today have the propensity to imitate their favourite celebrities’ appearance. As a result, companies hire these famous actors and singers to promote their products, and this phenomenon demotivates teenagers from pursuing their own style that makes them stand out from their peers.

On the other hand, I believe that many people are not under the influence of advertising despite a growing number of adverts on television and on the streets. First of all, an individual’s favour of a product depends on his financial circumstances. While wealthy people prefer luxurious and high-quality goods, poor families have the tendency to choose inexpensive ones. Therefore, they possess different preferences, depending on their incomes. Additionally, as people care more about the way they look, they sustain their unique dressing styles, making them distinct from others. Hence, in these cases, advertising imposes insignificant impacts on individuals’ interests.

In conclusion, although there people sharing the same preferences due to the power of advertising, I am convinced that exceptions can be found among many people.
Rating: 6.07
đã góp ý bởi (16 điểm)
–1 phiếu
It is true that advertising do not want people become others diverse while i accept with that idea, but i also disagree with this argument to some extents.
 
on the one hand,advertising play an major part in business, it helps brings the products to the public and changes the way customers through about the products. Firstly, psychological show that when people see something too often , they will be affected significantly. According to a social experiment in USA, 80% customers tend to buy products which have been worn or repeated many times by many people around them or in TV shows they saw. That is the reason why advertisement wants people look like each others. Secondly, some teenagers and young adults always want to keep up with joneses. For example, if their friend in school have the same bag , they want to buy it too ; so by that way that bag becomes good seller. 
 
However, advertising only works when the product quality is good and the price is fits to the customer's budget. If the price is too high , it will be really hard for customers to approach or buy the products. In addition, some people only care about the products quality than how it was advertised. In short, the business companies can not only advertising well but they have to produce good product.
 
In conclusion, both dark and bright sides of the picture are noticed. I strongly believe we should have balance view in this case, product quality and advertising play the same key role in business.
Rating: 5.85
đã góp ý bởi (21 điểm)
It is true that advertising do not want /this doesnt sound academic people become others diverse(it is hard to understand what you mean, the sentence needs to be rewrote/ it is true that advertising can prevent people from being different.  While i accept with that idea, but i also disagree with this argument to some extents (you dont need to write "also" in a complex sentence that has "while"). 
 
On the one hand (good),advertising plays an major part in business, It helps brings/ introducing the products to the public, and changes the way customers through/ think about the products. Firstly, psychological show /it is scientifically proved that when if people see something too often , they will be affected significantly(unclear about what you mean here). According to a social experiment in USA, 80% customers of the population tend to buy products which have been worn or repeatedly many times by many people around them or in TV shows they saw/celebreties. That is the reason why advertisement wants/makes people look like each others. Secondly, some teenagers and young adults always want to keep up with joneses/ their peers, joneses is not a common word to use in this context. For example, if their friend in school have the same bag , they want to buy it too ; so by As a result, that way that bag becomes good seller/ popular if you read this paragraph again, you will see your supporting points do not support the topic sentence. 
 
However/" on the other hand" might sound better as you have "on the on hand" in the first paragraph, advertising only works when the product quality is good, and the price is fits to the customer's budget (good). If the price is too high , it will be really hard for customers to approach or buy the products. In addition, some people only care more about the products quality than how it was they are advertised. In short, the business companies can need to not only advertisinge well but also they have to produce good product.
 
In conclusion, both dark and bright sides of the picture are noticed (this is ok, but personally i wouldnt use it in an academic paper). I strongly believe we should have a balance view in this case, . Product quality and advertising play the same key role in business. 
 
Strength
  • good structure. 
  • some good phases (fit to the customer's budget).
  • vocabulary is fine. 

Points to improve

  • Pay attention to grammar. 
  • Make sure you do some planning before writing. Your essay, somewhat,  doesnt answer the question.

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0 phiếu

Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and to look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the recent decades, the world has seen a considerable rise in the number of advertising on TV or another communications. Whether or not advertising effects on customers’ behavior by making them all the same. From my perspective, I partly agree with this specific statement because of two reasons.

Firstly, marketers show exactly desires of crowd and shape consumers’ behaviors with irresistible trend. It is undeniable that some people trying to buy luxurious products want to be recognized by others. Although it is unrealistic ways to express themselves, these products satisfy their self-esteem need. For example, lots of people nowadays drink Phuc Long tea not depend on its quality but it makes them become fashionable people. In addition, when Ha Tang- a famous actress of Viet Nam- represented new clothing brand name a thousand woman blindly purchased these products because they want to be look like her no matter these clothing look nice on them or not.    

However, the rise of advertising cannot make everyone behave in a similar manner. The fact is that, the decision whether specific products should be purchased or not depend on customers’ favorites and their financial condition. Products are widely advertised on communications, advertisers might not persuade costumers who have clearly decisions about what products can show off their characters. For example, instead of using smart phone with lots of convenient functions, others prefer buying phone without bells and whistles. On one hand, wealthy people have the cost of living higher than poorer one. Therefore well-known brand names such as Apple, Channel, Ducati are the best choice which show their stylish gout. On the other hand, poorer people would choose lower cost options which also have good quality and express different individuals           

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the rise of advertising remains significantly effect on purchasing power but it might not completely prevent costumer from a need to be different individuals. 

Rating: 6.57
đã góp ý bởi (9 điểm)
0 phiếu
Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us want to be and to look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
 
 In recent years, advertising has appeared frequently in many magazines, newspapers and in the form of television commercials. Some people believe that advertisements make people want to be and to look the same. In my opinion, I partly agree with this statement.

On the one hand, it is not deniable that advertising makes people want to be owned the products made from well-known brands. As a result, many people buy the products of the same manufacturers. This can be seen easily in the sales of multinational such as Apple, Samsung, Gucci, Nike and etc. While the advertisement of small companies is not popular on the media because their capital would not allow them spend much money for advertising. Thus, buyers have not known much about less famous brands and they are used to consume products of well-tried producers. Consequently, people have become loyalty with particular brands creating their specific lifestyle.

On the other hand, advertising have impacted on the style of young people. Advertising companies often use famous and successful people to show products in the ads. These characters usually are idols of the young and they have strong effects on the style of the young people. The young fans are used to imitate their idol in dress style. Take the K-pop fashion trend in Vietnam as an example. This can be easily seen on the streets. Many young people wear hip hop clothes and dye hair as the same Korean music stars display on the stage. Despite this style is not suitable with real life. They might not be aware that they have been affected by advertising.

 

In conclusion, advertising makes people enjoy in shopping with well-known brands and create a specific lifestyle. However, it also has resulted in the style of the young.

Rating: 5.50
đã góp ý bởi (37 điểm)
đã hiện lại bởi
+1 phiếu
Advertisements are among the most effective means by which manufactures publicise their products. Some people, however, denounce the advertising industry. They contend that it expunges the distinction among people. I agree with this opinion for several reasons enumerated below.

 

Firstly, ideal images and models are made pervasive in forms of advertising, exhorting people to follow. The young nowadays subscibe to their idols on multimedia. This elucidates why they are the ones who highly imitate the same models, and therefore follow the same styles, same manners, and look like each others. Aesthetical values are venerated by everyone. It is reasonable that we orient towards what we suppose beauties, and advertisements are merely means of transporting these things to people.

 

Seconly, it is incontrovertible that people want to catch up with latest style and fashion. These common trend are popularised by advertisements. Neither do ones want to be eccentric, nor be out-of-date. They also detest being surpassed by others. That means, they tend to buy what others have, which will soon turn into a common wave.

 

Nevertheless, some people chase idividualism. They show off their own personalities by possessing unique styles. For example, the fashionistas often update latest news about fashion. They are unreluctant to immediately purchase Valentino’s exclusive summer collections. These people are minor, however, because of financial conditions.
Rating: 8.60
đã góp ý bởi (33 điểm)
0 phiếu

For:

-         consumers/ follow/ market trend

-         advertising/power/ shape/consumers’ habit

against:

-         people/ different style/ budget

-         aware better/ quality/ not market trend

 

One of the common topics in today’s societies is the increasing development of advertising industry. In effect, it is believed by quite a few people that this field has a tendency to make humans look the same. Such a view, interestingly, does appear plausible to a certain extent.

 

As a matter of fact, those who are for such an opinion can suggest strong arguments. One of their main justifications is that advertising is shaping consumers’ habit. For example, it is totally true to say that people these days are used to drinking Pepsi or Coca Cola in most of their parties. In addition, it can be commonly agreed that many people often follow the market trend, or to put it another way, tend to buy up-to-date products which are able to make them look fashionable and rich.

 

On the other side, there are still people who choose to think that advertising does not make them alike. In fact, it can be debated that it is very difficult for advertising to impact consumers’choice as different people have different styles, so their looking the same is not easy to happen. One further point is worth discussing is that some people are well aware of goods, and they often find information from internet, friends and relatives before buying a product, which proves that they always consider its quality as a first and foremost criterion instead of following the trend.

 

All in all, it is not easy at all to determine whether advertising can make people look the same or it does the opposite, for there are clear pieces of evidence which prove both plausible. Thus, my conclusion is that the definitive answer should vary from person to person.

 

Rating: 8.70
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
0 phiếu

In several years recently, one of the burning issues that have raised growing concerns from many people living in today's society is effect of advertising. This leads to people losing their different styles. From my perspective, I partly disagree with this statement because of some reasons.

We cannot deny that the advertising play an important role in our life and it brings some changes in thoughts of consumers. First of all, Almost of the advertisers persuade people to buy their products because these items are the best and the most necessary. By the time, consumers believe that these products are really useful for them while they do not care about how it will be suitable in their living. Secondly, many people claim that the products, which is advertised in TV, Internet, billboards, are the newest trend in the world. Thus, people use products advertised to become a modern people and fashionable.

However, the point of view of people is not completely depend on the effect of advertising. First, although we watch many advertising every day, the last decision buying something belongs to us. We can consider whether it is suitable or not before booking. Second, consumers in the present have become smarter in consumption. They always find clearly information of products they want to buy. Therefore, advertisement is only one of the factors to support for their choice.
In conclusion, even though the effect of advertising increases significantly, the consumption of people are still difficult to be affected completely. Instead of attracting buyers by advertising, Companies should improve quality of their products.

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