In several years recently, one of the burning issues that have/has raised growing concerns from many people living in today's society is the effect of advertising (unnecessary long sentence). This leads to people losing their different styles (it is hard to understand what you mean). From my perspective, I partly disagree with this statement because of some reasons.
We cannot deny that the advertising plays an important role in our life, and it brings some changes in thoughts of consumers (it s hard to understand) / changes people ‘s thoughts. First of all, Almost of the advertisers persuade people to buy their products because/ by convincing them that these items are the best and the most necessary. By the time/As a result, consumers believe that these products are really useful for them, while and they do not care about/ fail to consider how it will be suitable in their living/whether or not they have practical purposes. Secondly, many people claim that the products, which is / are advertised in/on TV, Internet, billboards, are the newest trend in the world (it is hard to understand your point). Thus, people use products advertised to become a modern people and fashionable.
However, the point of view of people’s opinions is do not completely depend on the effect of advertising. First, although we watch many advertising every day, the last final decision to buying something belongs to us. We can consider whether it is suitable or not before booking/buying. Second, consumers in the present have become smarter in consumption/ making decisions. They always find clearly information of products they want to buy. Therefore, advertisement is only one of the factors to support for their choice.
In conclusion, even though the effect of advertising increases significantly (you cant say the effect increases) , the consumption of people ? are still difficult to be affected completely/although the effects of advertising are obvious, I believe that some consumers can still make their own decisions . Instead of attracting buyers by advertising, companies should improve quality of their products good sentence.
I apologize if you find that these comments are too harsh.
You have some good sentences, but many of your sentences are difficult to make sense out of. Thus, even though you do have some good ideas, your task response is poor. There are some good vocabularies, however, in some occasions, you appear to not knowing how to use them (eg: consumption).
· Read and reread your mistakes and avoid making them in the future.
· Check your grammar
· Make sure that you know how to use the words before using it.
· Simplify your sentences. At the moment, you write a lot of unnecessary long sentences.
· Read lots. It will get to the point that you will develop a 6th sense “hummm, this doesn’t sound right, I better check” .
· Keep practicing