Mình mới học lớp 10 nên có gì sửa sai,anh chị sửa giùm nha,tks.
There are many types of music in the worth world today (.Another sentence:Music is part of virtually every cultures on Earth, but it varies widely among cultures in style and structure). Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Music is sound of soul. (I think you should combine two sentences into a single one: Ex: Music is sound of soul which provides enjoyable.....) It provides enjoyable and comfortable feelings for people after long day work a long day of work or when they have bad (are in bad/lose) tempers. Moreover, music also used for variety of leisure and outdoor activities such as dancing clubs, festival in order to make these activities more interested. That is a reason why music becomes essential needs (no "s") of daily life styles. There are two kind of music that people have heard everyday : (missing ":") traditional music and international music. Some people state that modern songs (whether you were born in the USA and "mordern songs" are traditional music)are more important than traditional music. In my opinion, I strongly agree with opposite side.(Comment: you statement is so long, I think you don't need to analyse the importance,practicalness of music in the introduction) (Ex: The widespread of variety of music has caused many people in the world to consider a specific statement whether or not folk music is more important than modern music.From my perspective,traditional music may have an essential role in people's life more than another.This essay will discuss about : (giving your statement) )
Opponents of traditional music claim that world-wide (missing "-") music is more popular than folk songs such as pop, ballad, rock, jazz and so on (I think you should not use this word in an essay). It is easy to be accepted by everyone. Therefore, listening international music is an opportunity to learn custom, culture, traditional of other countries. That way Anyway, people can get closer together get close to each other.
However, traditional music of one’s country shows thier traditional worth. In particular, historic, culture and custom are presented in through those songs and it helps people differ from region to region. For example, jazz is traditional music of Africa (more details). In addition, folk music encourages confidence of people which It proves that, in world wars, songs belong to country music folk musics help people raise their spirit to fight for right thoughts (Hitler used to use folk song to encourage resident's spirit in fighting, not right thoughts)
Different from modern music, folk songs show the thoughts of old generations that the youth have to learn and provide new values to make it more creative. Moreover, this kind of music has played in festival or celebrated important events in particular country (Another sentence:Moreover,music is pleasing to its loyal audiences who have learned to distinguish national nuances of style and may be able to identify their favorite well-known performers by sound which shows respect and inspiration for many country's artists)
. Hence, listening traditional music is the way to keep beautiful worth of old generations.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that, traditional music is more appreciated than world wide music because of its traditional worth. People had better understand fully these values and showed how much they are proud of their countryies by listening to folk songs
Comment and improvement: Your introduction is too complicated,try to summarise your opinion,paraphrase the question's statement in three sentences. Grammar mistakes.
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