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Life is complex. Therefore learning about life is obviously not easy. People can understand more by obtain advice from parents or friends, or through personal experiences. While considering that the former is theoretical, I prefer to the latter, that is more practical. This is because it would bring long term, useful and challenged experiences for people.

First of all, people learn better when they practice. They can learn a lot academic knowledge from books, texts, but only practices and experiments make them obtain information completely. And this case is also true for life. For example, people would learn more about carefulness after being stolen in crowded fairs. Vice versa, their parents may also advise them “be careful when you enter fairs”, but everything would be useless if they just stay at home all day and not participate any fair at all.

Moreover, personal experiences would bring people useful knowledge. This is because people gain it through their life, thus it would relate to their own. For instance, I once had some troubles in taking exams due to my negligent problems. Thus when I took an important exams, I got very bad grades because of these mistakes. It made me realize my faults, improving me to correct it and study better. On the other hand, advice from relatives are also important, but they are very general for people to apply in life.

Furthermore, life provides to people many challenges. People would face to them through their own life, and challenges make them stronger. For example, people would be slier if they face to more social problems; ones would know how to succeed once they failed many times; or students would be more confident while they study far from homes and parents. In other words, only social experiences can make people mature, not any theoretical information from others.

In conclusion, maturation is gradual and long process. People should need both other’s advice as well as personal experiences to accomplish their own cognitive abilities about life. However, I would also recommend they should experience more in order to gain better knowledge
Rating: 7.63
đã hỏi trong IELTS - Task 2 bởi (0 điểm)
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5 góp ý

0 phiếu

Your essay is good at vocabulary.

However, you made some basic grammar errors such as  "People can understand more by obtain (by obtaining) advice from parents or friends". And I think you applied many sentences learned by heart, which made your essay sound robotic. 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (7 điểm)
+2 phiếu

Bài của bạn có cố gắng dùng những từ phức tạp, idea khá tốt nhưng còn khá nhiều lỗi grammar và từ vựng chưa phù hợp, các từ trong ngoặc là mình gợi ý nhé.

Life is complex. Therefore learning about life is obviously not easy. People can understand more by obtain (1) advice from parents or friends, or through personal experiences. While considering that the former is theoretical, I prefer to the latter, that (2) is more practical. This is because it would bring long-term (3), useful and challenged experiences for people.

First of all, people learn better when they practice (4). They can learn a lot (5) academic knowledge from books, texts, but only practices and experiments make (6) them obtain information completely. And this case is also true for life. For example, people would learn more about carefulness after being stolen in crowded fairs. Vice versa (7), their parents may also advise them “be careful when you enter fairs”, but everything would be useless if they just stay at home all day and not participate (8) any fair at all.

Moreover, personal experiences would bring people useful knowledge. This is because people gain it through their life, thus it would relate to their own (9). For instance, I once had some troubles in taking exams due to my negligent problems (10). Thus when I took an important exams, I got very bad grades because of these mistakes. It made me realize my faults, improving me (không hợp) to correct it and study better. On the other hand, advice (số nhiều) from relatives are also important, but they are very general for people to apply in life.

Furthermore, life provides (provide sb with st) to people many challenges. People would face to them through their own life (lives), and challenges make them stronger. For example, people would be slier if they face to (face with or face + st) more social problems; ones (nên dùng people) would know how to succeed once they failed many times; or students would be more confident while they study far from homes and parents. In other words, only social experiences can make people mature, not any theoretical information from others.

In conclusion, maturation is gradual and long process. People should need (need) both other’s advice as well as personal experiences to accomplish their own cognitive abilities about life. However, I would also recommend they should experience more in order to gain better knowledge

1. obtaining

2. That ko có dấu phẩy phía trước

3. long-term không đi với experience

4. practice là ngoại động từ, phải có 1 danh từ đứng sau nó

5. a lot of

6. dùng help sẽ rõ hơn

7. bạn dùng từ này rồi thì không dùng từ but phía sau nữa, câu hơi rối

8. participate + in

9. câu này không rõ ý

10. negligent ko đi với problem

Rating: 8.90
đã góp ý bởi (27 điểm)
sửa nội dung bởi
0 phiếu
I think the ideas used in your writting is well-organized but the way you express it isnt good enough. I've spotted some of your mistakes and i hope it'll be useful. - " people can understand more by..." : understand should go with an object. I suggest using " enhance their features " instead. - " bring long term...for people" : bring sth to sb/sth not "for" - "...true for life" : it's true to not true for - "...i once had some troubles in taking..." : have trouble with or in trouble - "...once they failed many times" : i think "many times" is a redundant detail, you should get rid of it
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (13 điểm)
0 phiếu

People can understand more by obtain advice from parents or friends, or through personal experiences

Correct: people can be more understanding about life by obtaining advice from their parents and friends...

They can learn a lot academic knowledge from books, texts, but only practices and experiments make them obtain information completely

Correct: They can learn a large amount of academic knowledge from textbooks, but only practice and experiment make them contain more accurately comprehension.

 if they just stay at home all day and not participate any fair at all.

Correct: all days ... participate in (must attach its preposition)

Thus when I took an important exams, I got very bad grades because of these mistakes (Thereby when I took important exams, I got every bad scores) You don't need to add a following sentence because I had already mentioned about its reason in previous sentences

life provides to people many challenges. People would face to them through their own life, and challenges make them stronger.

Correct: People would encounter many challenges through their own life, in which these obstacles will shape them to be more stronger

General evaluation: Bạn làm khá tốt nhưng vẫn còn những điểm chưa hoàn thiện, chưa trau chuốt câu chữ lắm, không nhiều academic words, lặp từ và dư từ không cần thiết "this is because" why dont you use directly as "because" or "since". Viết lặp ý nhiều, ví dụ như câu mà mình correct ở trên. Chúc bạn thành công.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (136 điểm)
0 phiếu

Life is complex. Therefore learning about life is obviously not easy. People can understand more by obtain => obtaining advice from parents or friends, or through personal experiences. While considering that the former is theoretical, I prefer to the latter, that is more practical. This is because it would bring long term, useful and challenged => challenging experiences for people.


First of all, people learn better when they practice. They can learn a lot of academic knowledge from books, texts, but only practices and experiments make them obtain information completely. And this case is also true for life. For example, people would learn more about carefulness after being stolen in crowded fairs. Vice versa, their parents may also advise them “be careful when you enter fairs”, but everything would be useless if they just stay at home all day and not participate any fair at all.

Moreover, personal experiences would bring people useful knowledge. This is because people gain it through their life, thus it would relate to their own. For instance, I once had some troubles in taking exams due to my negligent problems. Thus when I took an important exams => an important exam / important exams, I got very bad grades because of these mistakes. It made me realize my faults, improving me to correct it and study better. On the other hand, advice from relatives are also important, but they are very general for people to apply in life.

Furthermore, life provides to people with many challenges. People would face to them through their own life, and challenges make them stronger. For example, people would be slier if they face to more social problems; ones would know how to succeed once they failed many times; => , or students would be more confident while they study far from homes and parents. In other words, only social experiences can make people mature, not any theoretical information from others.

In conclusion, maturation is a gradual and long process. People should need both other’s advice as well as personal experiences to accomplish their own cognitive abilities about life. However, I would also recommend they should experience more in order to gain better knowledge

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Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (8 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

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