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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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It is believed that the shortage of fresh water has become a pressing concern for the environment all over the world. This essay will attempt to elaborate on the issues and some solutions to tackle these problems.


On the one hand, that numerous problems can happen is attributed to the lack of fresh water. To begin with, it will be a hardship for domestic and industrial users to cut down on the amount of water that they use. To be more specific, fresh water has played a pivotal role in human activities on a daily basis. Those people who have to earn their living from their farms, for example, the shortage can hamper the enhancement of their fields because they have no opportunities to water their florals adequately and raise their cattle. Another issue is that because fresh water acts as a pivotal role for many species, there will be a lack of food sources. That is to say, due to the fact that water is a natural habitat for numerous kinds of flora and fauna, many species will be on the verge of extinction when the loss of their habitat has happened. As a result, a domino effect can happen, causing the loss of the natural food chain.


On the other hand, there are two principal measures that the governing body and individuals can take to address these problems. The first solution is that the national leaders should pass a myriad of regulations to combat these problems. It is particularly true that human activities, especially disposing of chemicals to the water do harm to the water a lot. Because of this situation, if the government imposes heavy fines on those who pump waste into the water, they will pay more attention to protect the environment. Fairly speaking, individuals should take the responsibility to solve these issues by using less plastic products. That is to say, plastic bags are one of the biggest threats to freshwater because they are non-biodegradable. In the long run, they will stay in the ocean for billions of years. Not only do they pollute the water, but they also make numerous aquatic creatures fall victims to microplastics.


To sum up, the loss of food sources and the limit in using water can happen when the shortage of water is getting worse. It is the responsibility of the governments and their residents to tackle these problems by introducing rules and the usage of plastics.

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It is believed that the shortage of fresh water has become a pressing concern for the environment all over the world. This essay will attempt to elaborate on the issues and outline some solutions to tackle these problems.

 

On the one hand, that numerous problems can be happen is attributed to the lack of fresh water. To begin with, it will be a hardship problem for domestic and industrial users to cut down on the amount of water that they use. To be more specific, fresh water has played a pivotal role in human activities on a daily basis. For those people who have to earn their living from their farms, for example, the shortage can hamper the enhancement quality of their fields because they have no opportunities to water their florals adequately and raise their cattle. Another issue is that because fresh water acts as a pivotal role for many species, there will be a lack of food sources. That is to say, due to the fact that water is a natural habitat resource for numerous kinds of flora and fauna, many species will be on the verge of extinction when the loss of their habitat has this happened. As a result, a domino effect can happen, causing the loss disruption in the natural food chain.

 

On the other hand, there are two principal measures that the governing body and individuals can take to address these problems. The first solution is that the national leaders should pass a myriad of regulations to combat these problems. It is particularly true that human activities, especially disposing of chemicals to the water, do harm to the water a lot. Because of this situation, if the government imposes heavy fines on those who pump waste into the water, they will pay more attention to protect the environment (too lengthy, try this "heavy fines will certainly cause public awareness and allow people in general pay more attention to other environmental issues") Fairly speaking Furthermore, individuals should take the responsibility to solve these issues by using less plastic products. That is to say, plastic bags are one of the biggest threats to freshwater because they are non-biodegradable. In the long run, they will stay in the ocean for billions of years. Not only do they pollute the water, but they also make numerous aquatic creatures fall victims to microplastics.

 

To sum up, the loss of food source and the limit in using water can happen when the shortage of water is getting worse. It is the responsibility of the governments and their residents to tackle these problems by introducing rules and restraining the usage of plastics.
 

This is a fairly decent essay with clear structure and valid ideas, though some explanations and examples could be more well elaborated. I think, this should be around 6.0
Have a nice day ! :)

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Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
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