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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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It is true that in recent years, there has been an increasing number of university students taking a part-time job or volunteer in community service in their spare time, which constitutes necessary to their development. I strongly believe that this trend has a positive impact on individuals and societies as a whole, and therefore should be promoted.

   On the one hand, rather than invest all their time into studying at school, it is advisable for students to participate in some extracurricular activities which will bring them many significant advantages. By being a member of art or dancing club, not only are they given a chance to develop their artistic skills but they will also acquire some valuable soft skills. Since working in a team means that they have to sacrifice individual benefits for communal goals, their cooperation and leadership skills will gradually be facilitated, giving them an edge over their counterparts in the  future competitive job market. Furthermore, their circle of friends will undoubtedly be expanded since they work in an open environment. For instance, if they work in a volunteer project, they are likely to see people from all walks of life, from benefactors to beneficiaries, alternatively establish a long-lasting relationship with them after long interaction.

   On the other hand, the amount of time devoted to social activities should be moderated, so that students’ academic performances will not be negatively affected. Instead of throwing themself into too many activities, students are recommended to evaluate several ones that are advantageous to them. Furthermore, in some cases, especially when the exam is approaching, their studying should be prioritized.

    In conclusion, as mentioned above, while students should be encouraged to join other activities, they should ensure the quality of their academic performance at school.

   -> Question : What score does this essay deserve ? Please help me check and correct it then give me an exact score. Thank youu.
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
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It is true that in recent years ( ko cần cụm in recent years), there has (have) been an increasing number of university students taking a part-time job or volunteer in community service in their spare time, which constitutes necessary to their development. I strongly believe that this trend has a positive impact on individuals and societies as a whole, and therefore should be promoted. (Theo mình thì bài này là agree/disagree, bạn phải nêu rõ quan điểm của mình, nếu ko sẽ bị giảm điểm task response, mở bài này nghe hơi misleading)

   On the one hand, rather than invest all their time into studying at school, it is advisable for students to participate in some extracurricular activities which will bring them many significant advantages. By being a member of art or dancing club, not only are they given a chance to develop their artistic skills but they will also acquire some valuable soft skills. Since working in a team means that they have to sacrifice individual benefits for communal goals, their cooperation and leadership skills will gradually be facilitated, giving them an edge over their counterparts in the  future competitive job market. Furthermore, their circle of friends will undoubtedly be expanded since they work in an open environment. For instance, if they work in a volunteer project, they are likely to see (meet) people from all walks of life, from benefactors to beneficiaries, alternatively establish a long-lasting relationship with them after long interaction.( Câu này diễn đạt hơi khó hiểu)

   On the other hand, the amount of time devoted to social activities should be moderated, so that students’ academic performances will not be negatively affected. Instead of throwing themself into too many activities, students are recommended to evaluate several ( bỏ several đi theo mình) ones that are advantageous to them. Furthermore, in some cases, especially when the exam is approaching, their studying( bỏ đuôi ing) should be prioritized.

    In conclusion, as mentioned above, while students should be encouraged to join other activities, they should ensure the quality of their academic performance at school

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (4 điểm)
Hehe mình cảm ơn ạ. Theo bạn thì bài essay nào của mình đc tầm khoảng band mấy ạ ?
bạn ơi cái question của bạn hỏi trc đó rỗng phải k?

Mình không thấy essay mà chỉ thấy topic thôi á.

vào 2 máy mà cũng k thấy
:'( hmu hmu
hic sao lại thế nhờ, chiều nay có 1 bạn chữa cho mình vẫn xem đc á :(
@Mika lạy má tui nói bà góp ý ấy

mà sorry vì vô đây làm phiền nha

Sorry bạn Mika dễ thưn nè :'D

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)

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